Bad Mommy Blog

So as I attempt to cook dinner for the third time in thirty minutes I am faced with a barrage of insults from my usually sweet and angelic son who is sat on time out, also for the third time in thirty minutes.  I am aware that he is very hungry after a full on day at preschool, and like his daddy I dare say he currently has tunnel vision as all he can think about is that his stomach in empty and his dinner is STILL. NOT. READY.

The time out was for wilfully spilling an entire cup of water over the dining room table and proceeding to splash in it, covering both the walls, the floor and my second son who was happily sitting in his high chair witnessing the whole debacle. Whatever possessed him to do this I do not know, as an incredibly intelligent and advanced four and a half year old, my son is perfectly aware of what is acceptable behaviour, and this is only further confirmed when he chooses to shut the door to the playroom in order to cause mischief without being seen.

I would love to say that I never lose my temper or say things out of turn, but this is simply not the case, and it is unfair to blame all my son's firey nature on words he has picked up at preschool. However I have never spoken to him, or anyone else for that matter, the way he does to me, so where does he get it from? I love his cheeky character, I love the way he can make me laugh out loud with his silly jokes and funny faces, but at times I despair as to why he seemingly goes out of his way to do things that could make me cry with frustration. Is it something I have done? Am I bad mommy? Does he really mean the things that get shouted over the stair gate from his time out spot on the mat?

The answer of course is no. My son doesn't understand half of the comments he flings out in his defiance to our discipline, much less mean what he says. The price of an advanced little boy who speaks so eloquently and knows far more than he should is often the improper use of words and phrases heard by older children or in TV programmes in a desperate attempt to be more grown up and assert his own thoughts and opinions.

My job as a mother is to love him through this. The comments and tantrums are not personal, they are the overflow of a frustrated child who doesn't understand why the world does not revolve around him, and I need to help him to see that we can't always get our own way and sometimes have to do things that we really would rather not do. The ultimate parent is God in heaven, and I lean on Him heavily in times like this. On days when I could run screaming from the house, or indeed scream back at my tantrumming child the Holy Spirit reminds me that God never screams at me when I throw my toys out of the pram. He never leaves me, or talks down to me. God gently rebukes me when I do wrong, but He always ALWAYS loves me regardless of what I have said or done.

So when my four year old (and I) eventually calm down, we come back together, talk about what happened, say sorry and share a big hug. And this is exactly what God wants from us too, when we fail, lose out temper, lash out at our loved ones, say things that we shouldn't have said, or disobey God, all we need to do is take time out think about what we did and why we did it and talk to our Heavenly Father. By saying the simple yet powerful words 'I am sorry', we are forgiven, for ANYTHING. God wipes the slate clean, He loves us so much that He sent His only son Jesus to take the blame for everything we do wrong, so that we can come to God in confidence knowing that we are forgiven. I couldn't get through a day without Jesus, and I am so thankful for the price He paid for me so that I could have a relationship with God, and I gain so much wisdom and peace from knowing the my Father in heaven is looking out for me and will guide me through parenthood.

Isaiah 40:11 says:

"He tends his flock like a shepherd; He gathers the lambs in his arms and carried them close to his heart; he gently leads mothers with their young."


Thank you Lord for helping me to love, nurture and raise these children to be the men of God you created them to be. If you want to know more about Jesus check out an Alpha course at your local church or visit Renewal Christian Centre for more information.

R x

What a difference a day makes...

Well I am pleased to report that after tantrum-gate on Tuesday we have had a complete turn around in the Edwards household! A massive thank you to all who got in touch to offer prayers, love and support, it clearly worked praise God.

As heartbreaking as it was, we stuck to our guns and our gorgeous 3yo went to bed without his favourite bear for the first time. We knew we had to follow through with our threat to take him away but so hoped it wouldn't be necessary! A did eventually calm down and sleep through the night and when he woke up the next morning the first thing he did was apologise for shouting, and he has been good as gold ever since! He has been particularly sensitive to how we feel, he knew that it really upset us to see him so upset and also the way he was behaving towards us and he has been polite and thoughtful all week. The odd and thankfully occasion where he has started to look like he may throw a wobbly we have been able to quickly distract him and by remaining calm, consistent and not reacting to his demands the situation has been dissolved easily.

There are never any easy options when disciplining children, the Bible tells us "Discipline your children while there is hope. Otherwise you will ruin their lives. "(Proverbs 19:18 NLT) and "Those who spare the rod of discipline hate their children. Those who love their children care enough to discipline them." (Proverbs 13:24 NLT)

I know that discipline comes in many different forms and I know that every child is a unique individual who will require a unique approach. For our spirited 3 year old we need to show him how to control his feelings and emotions by controlling ours, and this is something that is a continual learning process for all of us. We can learn so much by the way that our awesome Heavenly Father parents us as his children - with unconditional love, grace and forgiveness accompanied by gentle conviction and rebuking. I know that there will be many more tantrums and tough times ahead, especially with the addition of a second child to our family unit, however right now I am so thankful to God for my beautiful, clever little boy and that we have had an amazing week together. Long may these happy days continue!