What would you have me do today?

Lord what would you have me do today?

This is one question that I must confess I rarely ask. Not being a morning person by nature, the start of my day is usually signalled by a gentle melodious iPhone alarm or a child, whichever shouts louder at the time. After hitting snooze one too many times or fobbing off said child with promise of breakfast 'in a minute', I finally prize myself from my pit, and pad downstairs to start warming some milk and pouring cereals.

As a mom of two boisterous fun loving boys, my days are anything but quiet, from the loud appeals for breakfast to the shouts of 'where is my tie? where is my book bag?' as I try to herd two people out of the door at twenty five minutes past eight. I do however get some calm following school drop off, providing I can persuade my 22 month old to stay in the pushchair so mommy can have five minutes prayer without fielding a wayward child from the roadside.

But my prayers can sometimes be very one way. God can you please sort out this situation for me? Lord please will you heal my friend? Jesus please can you help my boys make good choices? Can you provide that house? that job? I know that God is a loving God, the ultimate parent who wants to please us, but he also wants to have a RELATIONSHIP with us, which means that prayer needs to be a two way street. Yes, he hears my arrow prayers, and answers them regularly, but I feel that as soon as he is about to return my prayers with conversation in my spirit, I turn my attention to the housework/laptop/next appointment/next errand to run.

I know that this will take practice on my part, and being a busy social butterfly who never sits still, being still before God and waiting on him is not an easy thing for me. However I know that waiting on him, seeking his counsel, his guidance, his rest will set me up for the day, no matter what I am facing or experiencing.

Its time to take control of my faith and my walk with God, and go deeper than ever before because I sense that he has an awful lot to say to me and do through me. God knows what is going on around me and what is set before me, I need to find out what HE wants me to do today and not just follow blindly down my own path.

Lord, I am here, I am ready and I am listening.

Naughty/Nice vs Nativity

I love Christmas, especially since having children as they sit in awe as we retell stories of Santa Clauses and Baby Jesus' birth.

The magic of Christmas is just so captivating, with lights, decorations, special services, parties and gifts. But can the idea of a mythical man giving gifts only to good boys and girls really sit alongside a belief in a Saviour who died for us because of a love so great regardless of our situation?

My faith in Jesus has been an integral part of my life for over a decade, and the Bible teaches that anyone who believes in Jesus can receive the greatest gift of all, salvation and eternity with Him in heaven despite not always being 'good'. Now this is not a get out of jail free card that enables us to live selfish, mean lives that don't bless others and honour God, but Jesus plainly taught that the grace of God was something given freely, not earned, which results in our heart response to follow Him and live for Him. 

I am not saying that Santa is bad, however the idea that 'works produce fruit' goes against my beliefs. Yes, I agree that good behaviour gets rewarded, yet how often do bad things happen to good people in the real world? Are we setting our children up for a fall by letting them believe that if they are good then things will always go their way? I don't think that allowing my children to believe in Santa is detrimental to their spiritual condition or mental condition for that matter, however, quite the opposite. The concept of Santa is giving gifts, however small, to celebrate Jesus' birth and lets face it, the first Christmas gifts were given to Jesus himself by the three Kings! If my boys want to believe in the magic of a jolly man who bears gifts to children across the world then I think it can only be a good thing to highlight the plight of those who are not as fortunate as ourselves and also encourage my boys to give gifts of their own.

Lets not get caught up in being 'super-spiritual', Jesus himself condemned the religious, legalistic Pharisees and commanded His disciples to simply love one another first and foremost. The Nativity will always be the focus for our family, but if using the Naughty/Nice list helps my boys to be that bit better behaved during the busy season while encouraging them to give to others too then that can only be a good thing in my eyes. 

 

Why I won't let my children trick or treat

If you saw your son or daughter conjuring up demons and dead spirits or casting spells would you be ok with that?

I hope that the answer is no, yet millions of parents will allow their children to take part in the 'harmless fun' of Halloween while the devil sits back and laughs. He doesn't need to incite a curios in the dark arts within children because their parents unwittingly due it for him by making light of acting like a witch or wizard. The adaptation of JK Rowlings books have seen children across the world brandishing a wand like a weapon and chanting their very own spells wwhilst touring the neighbourhood as a spooky being. 

Magic is not fun, nor is it harmless. It is a slippery slope to the dark arts, the power that it offers the participant lures them deeper and deeper into a demonic world where Satan can really get a hold of you.

I myself as a young girl was transfixed my shows like Sabrina the Teenage Witch, Charmed and so on and I gained an interest in the occult but thank God Jesus claimed me for His own and saved me.

The Bible pulls no punches on this topic, warning very clearly in Deuteronomy 18:9-14

"...Do not let your people practice fortune telling or use sorcery, or interpret omens,  or engage in witchcraft, or cast spells or function as mediums or psychics, or call forth the spirits of the dead..."

Fortunately God has the ultimate power, and the one name that makes the devil tremble is Jesus Christ. The Bible says if we call upon His name we will be saved and once we give our hearts to Jesus He lives within us. When you have done that you can be confident that;

Greater is He (Jesus) that lives in me than he (the devil) that is in the world. (1 John 4:4)

God ia the ultimate heavenly Father and He loves you and wants to protect you just the same as you want to protect your family. My prayer is that this Halloween would not be a spiritual battle between good and evil for your soul or your children's souls, but would be the day you surrender to God and trust in His unfailing love and everlasting protection.

R

Whose flag are you flying?

Unless you have been living under a rock for the past few weeks you will be only too aware of the World Cup mania that has spread across the globe. 

Picture credit: www.itv.com/news/anglia/

As usual, England goes all out with indulgent extravagant displays of patriotism, and football fans up and down the country are proudly wearing the three lions on their chest whilst driving cars adorned with the flag of St George.

I am no football fan unfortunately, and although not against the 'beautiful game' in anyway, I am slightly ashamed to say that England's performance in the World Cup will have no affect on me whatsoever. 

Yet I am in awe of the cross adorned homes that have flags billowing from every window, the hundreds of thousands who will go to every effort to ensure that they see the match live in full technicolour glory on their recently upgraded plasma screen TV, and even more so those that have sacrificed work and family to travel to Brazil and see the events unfold. 

These individuals are enthusiastic, passionate, and all consumed by their love of football. So devoted to their cause and so proud of who they represent, football fans across the UK are standing proud and shouting their allegiance to their faithful England team for all the world to hear. The level of engagement and unity of a body of people from all walks of life is truly remarkable, and is one that the church should emulate, and this got me thinking;

Whose flag am I flying?

Do people around me know who I represent? Who I am passionate and extravagant about? Do they know that I love and live for Jesus? That I worship the Lord and Saviour with my whole heart, that He has healed me and my family, provided for us and protected us over and over again?

Would I display a flag proclaiming my faith in the one who created the Heavens and the Earth as proudly as the England fans display their faith in eleven men on a pitch?

I would like to think the answer is yes, that my faith is so demonstrable in my daily life that I carry it like a banner wherever I go, not to shove it in people's faces but to make a declaration; I am in this body of people, the body of Christ and I am both humbled and proud to be a part of it. 

My hope is that my life could be a daily display of extravagant surrender and worship to the King of Kings who loves me so extravagantly that He gave His life for me, and I pray that I would never lose sight of how precious this gift available to every one of us truly is.

Where are you going?

Tonight I have a heavy heart after learning of the passing of a much loved member of our church. Although I did not know her personally, I know of her her battle with cancer and had the privilege of praying with her once. I know that this beautiful lady has been called home to the Saviour that she so adores, and she feels no pain, only peace and an immense joy that we can not comprehend. The tears streaming down my face are not for her death but for the loved ones she left behind, and I pray that our heavenly Father would scoop them up and hold them tight right now.

God reminded me tonight of the fragility of life, that like a flower that blooms in full technicolour but for a moment before quickly fading as the seasons pass. I started to think of all the things I, and my fellow mums should put in place should we ever be called home at a young age, such as our long overdue will that has been put aside amidst the busyness of moving house and raising two small boys.

Just as I was mentally thinking who I would want to have my most treasured possessions, I felt God say that the most treasured thing that anyone can own on the Earth is salvation. I know that I belong to God, Jesus has my heart because of what He did on the cross for me, and I am safe forever in the knowledge that should myself or my husband pass away we would be welcomed in to the arms of Jesus for eternity and would one day meet again.

As comforting as this thought is to me, a sense of panic and urgency came upon me as I thought of my loved ones who don't know Jesus yet. God spoke into my spirit and said if you are so willing to share the need to place your worldly goods in order with your family and friends, then why aren't you as fervent with their spiritual well being? Possessions and material items can be fought over long after we have gone, but our salvation cannot. We are either saved or we are not. Once we have died our souls cannot be bought back or prayed into heaven, we are called to make a response to Jesus whilst we are here on the Earth, not once we get to heaven's gates.

So where are you going? What do you believe? I don't profess to be any theologian, nor do I have all the answers, however I believe with my whole heart that Jesus is the Son of God, He died on the cross to save me from all my sin and He is now resurrected, alive and reigns with God in heaven. I believe that one day He will return to the Earth and make new all that is lost, broken and dead, and on that day all believers dead or alive will be raised up and given new bodies on a new Heaven and Earth.

I want to urge you to explore Christianity, join an Alpha course at Renewal Christian Centre or any church local to you and ask questions - the more difficult the better! Alpha teams are trained experts who can help you to understand who Jesus is, what He is about and try and answer your questions, no matter how big, small or 'ridiculous' they may seem to you. There is no obligation to become a Christian or join a church at the end, it is simply 12 two hour sessions where you can get fed a delicious dinner, meet new people, find out more about Jesus. 24 hours of your life. You may well spend more than that watching your favourite soap operas every week for a month, so what have you go to lose? It just might make the difference between the two destinations at the end of your life.

Bad Mommy Blog

So as I attempt to cook dinner for the third time in thirty minutes I am faced with a barrage of insults from my usually sweet and angelic son who is sat on time out, also for the third time in thirty minutes.  I am aware that he is very hungry after a full on day at preschool, and like his daddy I dare say he currently has tunnel vision as all he can think about is that his stomach in empty and his dinner is STILL. NOT. READY.

The time out was for wilfully spilling an entire cup of water over the dining room table and proceeding to splash in it, covering both the walls, the floor and my second son who was happily sitting in his high chair witnessing the whole debacle. Whatever possessed him to do this I do not know, as an incredibly intelligent and advanced four and a half year old, my son is perfectly aware of what is acceptable behaviour, and this is only further confirmed when he chooses to shut the door to the playroom in order to cause mischief without being seen.

I would love to say that I never lose my temper or say things out of turn, but this is simply not the case, and it is unfair to blame all my son's firey nature on words he has picked up at preschool. However I have never spoken to him, or anyone else for that matter, the way he does to me, so where does he get it from? I love his cheeky character, I love the way he can make me laugh out loud with his silly jokes and funny faces, but at times I despair as to why he seemingly goes out of his way to do things that could make me cry with frustration. Is it something I have done? Am I bad mommy? Does he really mean the things that get shouted over the stair gate from his time out spot on the mat?

The answer of course is no. My son doesn't understand half of the comments he flings out in his defiance to our discipline, much less mean what he says. The price of an advanced little boy who speaks so eloquently and knows far more than he should is often the improper use of words and phrases heard by older children or in TV programmes in a desperate attempt to be more grown up and assert his own thoughts and opinions.

My job as a mother is to love him through this. The comments and tantrums are not personal, they are the overflow of a frustrated child who doesn't understand why the world does not revolve around him, and I need to help him to see that we can't always get our own way and sometimes have to do things that we really would rather not do. The ultimate parent is God in heaven, and I lean on Him heavily in times like this. On days when I could run screaming from the house, or indeed scream back at my tantrumming child the Holy Spirit reminds me that God never screams at me when I throw my toys out of the pram. He never leaves me, or talks down to me. God gently rebukes me when I do wrong, but He always ALWAYS loves me regardless of what I have said or done.

So when my four year old (and I) eventually calm down, we come back together, talk about what happened, say sorry and share a big hug. And this is exactly what God wants from us too, when we fail, lose out temper, lash out at our loved ones, say things that we shouldn't have said, or disobey God, all we need to do is take time out think about what we did and why we did it and talk to our Heavenly Father. By saying the simple yet powerful words 'I am sorry', we are forgiven, for ANYTHING. God wipes the slate clean, He loves us so much that He sent His only son Jesus to take the blame for everything we do wrong, so that we can come to God in confidence knowing that we are forgiven. I couldn't get through a day without Jesus, and I am so thankful for the price He paid for me so that I could have a relationship with God, and I gain so much wisdom and peace from knowing the my Father in heaven is looking out for me and will guide me through parenthood.

Isaiah 40:11 says:

"He tends his flock like a shepherd; He gathers the lambs in his arms and carried them close to his heart; he gently leads mothers with their young."


Thank you Lord for helping me to love, nurture and raise these children to be the men of God you created them to be. If you want to know more about Jesus check out an Alpha course at your local church or visit Renewal Christian Centre for more information.

R x

Come and rest here.....

Come and rest here......come and lay your burdens down.

The lyrics to Kari Jobe's song 'Here' beckons me to stop, press the pause button on my life and simply be in the presence of God. In a world where we are so crazy busy with appointments, school runs, day jobs, sports and social lives in can seem impossible to fit God in to our lives, especially when we feel like we are being pulled in every direction at once.

Yet that is just what He wants - God desires a relationship with us, not a fast five minute prayer each night before we drift off to sleep, but all of us, all of the time. Colossians 3:23 says 'Do everything as if you are doing it to the Lord', and that means how we rise each day, how we greet our family over coffee in the morning, how we conducts ourselves on the morning commute, how we perform our daily tasks, everything. God wants to be part of our lives, He wants to share the mundane, the little intricacies of our lives that no one else knows because we deem it to be too unimportant to share. God wants to be in that passing thought, that fleeting moment, so that He can reveal Himself to us in a way that we have never experienced before.

In order for God to come in we have to let down our guard, take down the defences and open our hearts to him, warts and all. We need to shake off the shackles of sin, shame and guilt and know in our deepest innermost place that God loves us completely, utterly and totally, just as we are in that exact moment. God doesn't want perfect people, He knew we could never get it right 100% of the time, that is why He sent Jesus. All God needs us to do is to accept Him, accept Jesus, and willingly invite them into our hearts and lives and they will do the rest.

As I listen to this song tonight, I am reminded just how much my God loves me, enough to send my saviour Jesus Christ to die for me. That I am so precious to Him, that he couldn't bear to see me lost forever, but rather He chose to reach out His hand and touch my life that I might be changed forever instead. It has been 10 years this year since I first made the decision to follow Jesus and trust Him with my life, and I have never looked back. Yes there have been tough times, but God has held my hand every step of the way, and the blessings poured back out from heaven have been overwhelming.

This last decade has provided some of the most transformational, defining years of my life, years where I grew to know and love a Saviour who loves me, years where I grew as a woman, becoming more confident in who I am and why I am here, years where I met my lover and soul mate, David Edwards and became his proud wife and mother of his two children.

I am blessed beyond measure, and it is all because I first stopped, and listened to that still small voice ten years ago. My prayer is that I will never stop listening, never stop taking time out to be still and know that He is God, to spend precious time in the presence of the the Lord, being restored, sanctified, healed and embraced by my heavenly father. If you don't know Jesus today, don't wait another moment, invite him in and He will change your life for the better. I would love to pray for you if you make that decision today, otherwise get in touch with your local church who will support you through the early stages of getting to know Jesus and becoming a Christian through valuable resources like Alpha.

God bless you

R xx

Today I Watched A Video....

Today I watched a video. It was only four minutes long, a short documentary about the birth of a young boy. What was so special about it I hear you ask, these home videos are ten a penny on YouTube. Yet this one was special, so incredibly special in fact that it moved me to tears and made me question everything about our society, my response to it and my gratitude for my own blessings in life.

The video I watched was created and released by the parents of Grayson James Walker. This gorgeous little boy was born 15th February 2012 with a severe birth defect called Anencephaly where he was born with parts of his cranium and brain missing. The grief stricken parents were clearly aware of this condition and knew their time with their precious son would be limited, and so they set up professional photographers and called in family members to welcome this little one into the world before he was so quickly taken away. Grayson lived only a short eight hours before passing in to the presence of God. His parents displayed strength that I believe could only have come from God himself as they held their tiny son in their arms, bathed him and dressed him in the most adorable outfits that he would wear only once. They rest in the knowledge that this baby boy is now clothed in robes of righteousness and garments of praise as he sings with the heavenly hosts in the throne room of heaven.

As a mother myself, I can only imagine the heartbreak that these parents endured at losing their son, and their decision to share his first and last moments with family and friends on social media sites is testament to their pride in this beautiful gift from God. However, shockingly, Facebook deemed the photographs of this child to be offensive and removed them. This unbelievable act left Grayson's grieving mother devastated and her response was to replace the deleted photographs of her son alongside many of her supportive family and friends, to which Facebook responded by issuing her with a 24 hour ban from the social media site.

A ban for sharing the most intimate and precious moments of her sons life with her world.

To say I was disgusted would be an understatement. Tears flowed down my cheeks in sorrow for the life that was taken too soon and the grief bore by his parents, and in anger for the judgement passed over this family down to a narrow minded opinion of the powers that be at Facebook. I stared in disbelief at my screen as I imagined who could do such a thing, who could decide that a life isn't worth celebrating, that a moment isn't worth sharing. Why, because it wasn't picture perfect? It wasn't a normal family with a happy ending?

Thankfully, the Walker family received a much needed apology, however I have news for the person who made that call that day. Life isn't picture perfect. We all fall short of the mark. There is more beauty in the face of that disfigured child than in the heart of those who think that his face should not be shared with the world. Jesus came to this Earth to save us from our sin, shame and sickness. He touched the blind, He held the sick, He embraced the leper, He loved the unloveable. He loves each and everyone of us so much more than we could ever comprehend, and He loves without judgement, without condition, without prejudice. Whether you are male, female, disfigured, disabled or whole bodied God has a plan and a purpose for you. Grayson Walker lived on this Earth for only eight hours, yet his legacy lives on and his story has touched the lives of countless people across the globe. Grayson Walker's story has reminded me that God works all things together for good (Romans 8:28) and I for one feel that seeing this angel's face and sharing part of his story has made me a better wife, mother and friend as I will always seek to see the beauty in every person I meet, I will always seek to see the good in a bad situation and I will always thank God in every circumstance, and not least of all thank Him for my own children.

As I tuck my babies in to bed tonight and kiss their sweet faces I will think of Grayson Walker and his family, and thank them for reminding me of the fragility of life and that I must make the most of every precious second. This is one of the reasons God wanted to use this precious child and I thank God for his amazingly strong parents for pursuing their right to share him with me and the rest of the world.

Rest in peace Grayson James xx

Expressing Yourself - Can Faith & Fashion Mix?

Like many girls, I have a weakness for fashion. 

For some it is sky scraper stilettos and for others it may be a penchant for prints, but my style achilles heel comes in the form of two items; scarves and handbags. Having been told by some wise old soul that you can never look fat in a handbag, I think that somewhere deep within my subconscious leapt for joy and made that mantra my own. A new handbag never fails to make me feel good!

 

The same can be said for my scarf addiction, you can simply never have too many scarves! Thankfully for my long suffering husband they are slightly more affordable than the latest designer tote, so regular new additions to my over stuffed scarf draw are not met with too much disapproval.

Whatever your personal style, there is something out there for everyone that makes their eyes widen and their heart race. Fashion is so subjective, and what makes one person feel a million dollars could make another recoil in horror. I think that is what I love about it, that ability to share a piece of your own personality, to bare a small part of your soul for the world to see, and this expression is one that should be respected and embraced. 

Fashion interests me in the way that it may or may not be perceived by people of different faiths. If clothes are an extension of our personality, then surely our style should reflect something of our beliefs too?There are of course specific items worn for religious reasons, with some of the better known ones being the Burqa (full body covering) or Hijab (face and neck covering) as worn by some Muslim women, or the cross/crucifix as worn by Christians to represent their respective faiths. I know that wearing these items actually has no bearing on what faith you are, and certainly wearing a cross makes me no more of a Christian than Rihanna donning a NASA space suit would make her an astronaut. However the suggestion is that what we wear (or more importantly don't wear) does speak to other of our traditions and beliefs. 

Interestingly more and more women in Britain have adopted wearing face and neck coverings after growing tired of the constant unwanted attention from some disrespectful men, and they have embraced the strict rules imposed on Muslim women when it comes to dress code. It is so often the case that young women feel that they have such little choice in how they dress, or indeed they feel railroaded into dressing in a provocative way to please their peers, gain social acceptance or even secure a promotion. 

The dubious role models women see splashed across every newspaper, magazine and social media site portray rebellious celebrities as strong minded women who wear what they want and don't care what anyone else thinks about their look or their attitude. In fact I think that the outfits worn by some of the more outgoing starlets scream the need for attention in a world where you can no longer be accepted if you don't break free from 'the norm', as opposed to a woman who knows her own mind. Perhaps those women who choose to wear bright clashing prints, leather skinnies and statement heels without feeling the need to display her cleavage down to the navel are actually the stronger individuals who are secure enough in their own skin not to follow the crowd. 

As a Christian, I know that I am accepted by God just as I am however that does not mean that I go around wearing immodest clothing. When you receive Jesus you are made into a new creation, and that includes the renewing of your mind, so that what you may have thought was appropriate before you would now consider to be the opposite.  

Since having children, low cut tops are a no go area for me anyway as invariably a small hand will tug in the wrong place causing a massive wardrobe malfunction, and short skirts would simply not be feasible as I spend 70% of my day on my hands and knees with two small boys. I don't think there is anything fundamentally wrong with these items if worn correctly and respectfully, I know that I am representing Jesus where ever I go, and that how I speak and conduct myself will speak far more loudly of my faith than anything I wear. That said, however, I still would not choose clothing that gain unnecessary attention out of respect for God and the body He gave me.

Faith does not mean that fashion has to take a back seat in your life (thank the Lord!!) God didn't design us to be clones, but rather He made each and everyone of us completely unique with individual personalities, and He wants us to use them! Making an effort with our appearance not only makes us look good but feel good, and being attractive is exactly what the Bible is all about; showing others the difference that Jesus has made in our lives. We have so much to be thankful for, our amazing God, Jesus our Saviour, the blessings of our exquisite world hand painted by the ultimate designer Himself, not to mention our wonderful families and warm homes. So go ahead, be thankful this spring and smile as you embrace the paintbox print trend or the oh so chic skort this season, you are fearfully and wonderfully made by the creator and He wants to see you shine for His Kingdom in 2014.

Living Life Through A Lens

Anyone who knows me well, will know that I am never far from my iPhone. That little white box that contains my calendars, emails and provides connections to the outside world no matter where I am and what I am doing. The invention of the smart phone has somewhat revolutionized most people's communication across the globe, and I am definitely no exception. A self confessed addict to social media sites and my beloved blog, I regularly post my comings and goings on twitter, instagram and facebook, and have done for many years.

However I was recently challenged by an interview I heard on UCB UK radio, where a band singer felt that the crowds were missing out by watching their entire tour performance through their phone camera lens. It got me thinking, how often do I capture moments of my life or my children's lives through a lens rather than just being in the moment? Granted, memories cannot be shared with loved ones who aren't present at the time, and instagram et al has enabled thousands of long distance friends and relatives to stay connected and not miss out on the milestones of family life. 

Whilst pondering this thought, I then went on to consider what I actually share.... do I share too much of my life online? By simply wearing my heart on my sleeve am I unwittingly exposing my family and myself to untold dangers? Do I really need to discuss or display our most intimate moments publicly or should they rather remain sacred and private to us as family unit? Does anyone really need to know that we are in Costa coffee, or the local park, or more recently in the hospital due to an unfortunate accident? A naturally outgoing person, I can all too easily allow my life thoughts and feelings to overflow into general conversation, and even more so in to the invisible online world of social media, much to my poor husbands disdain as he is very private. Having always considered him to perhaps be a little uptight, or just put it down to the fact that women like to share their thoughts and experiences whereas men keep their emotions to themselves, I was very shocked and humbled when God massively convicted me on my misinterpretation. Right now I feel like God is asking me to draw back in to my family and that we as a unit draw even closer to Him. 

As a family we feel called to serve God's kingdom through our church, and we know that in order to grow in our relationship with God and with each other we need to invest time and love into these relationships. By constantly putting Jesus at the centre of our family life, seeking first His kingdom then God will add to us all the things we need and the distractions of the world fall away as we fix our eyes on Him. God wants a relationship with us, and as we spend more and more time in His presence, learning His Word and living by His Spirit we will be transformed into His likeness.

I love social media, I think it is a powerful platform for businesses in the digital marketing era and a valuable tool for loved ones to stay connected. I  have made some truly wonderful friends on twitter and instagram, many of whom I have not and will probably never meet face to face, yet they impact my life on a daily basis. My online community is one that is very precious to me, however I am starting to realise the dangers and distractions of getting sucked into a virtual world when I have a very real God and Saviour who desires a deeper relationship with me. I spend so much time watching other peoples lives unfold on facebook and twitter that I sometimes forget to enjoy living my own. My children are so young, yet they will be grown up in the blink of an eye. I don't want their lasting childhood memories to be of a mother who was always there but never present, always stood with iPhone in hand during every achievement, every award, every milestone. 

I will continue using my social media avidly for both business and pleasure, however in the future I will have a very keen eye on how I am using my time to ensure that I invest the better part of it in my family and in getting to know Jesus on an even deeper level. Jesus said in John 10:10 I have come so that you may have life and live it to the full, I encourage each of you to put down the smart phone and do just that. 

R xx

PND: Making It Through The Darkness

Anyone who has ever experienced post natal depression to any degree will know that recovery is not n overnight process. However I was not prepared to be struggling with it over three month post diagnosis. My personal experience of PND required Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors (SSRI) which I reluctantly took to get me back on track. Within weeks I felt like my old self again, of course there were many emotional low days, but on the whole I was so relieved to feel more in control. My husband has been a constant rock and provided me the best care and support I could have wished for. As my counsellor, lover, partner and best friend, his love and prayers carried me through even the darkest of days.

I struggled with the fact that I relied upon medication to overcome my depression as at the time I thought I should be relying upon God alone for my strength and healing. God quickly silenced my ridiculous ideas by reminding me that if I was sick I would go to hospital for medical intervention and this situation was no different. I thank God that He provides us with knowledge and medical science to alleviate and cure all manner of illnesses, including mental illness. 

I continued with my medication and slowly found my old self again, it felt like looking at your reflection through fogged tinted lenses and as the weeks went by the darkness lifted and the mist cleared.Finally I could see the fun loving, bubbly woman that I used to be. 

My husband regained his wife and my boys regained their mother and my confidence grew and grew so much that I started my own business, Rachel Edwards Writes. I have always regarded motherhood as my highest calling, something that I felt destined to do, however being a successful working business woman in my own right enables me to not only provide a better future for my children, but to to retain my independence and cultivate my creativity. I truly believe that I am a better mother for working and building a business in an industry I am passionate about; writing.

During the festive season and especially in the New Year, I began to do a bit of soul searching and felt that the time was coming to wean myself off the SSRI's. I felt great, and had even forgotten to take the tablets a few times with no detrimental effects, plus I knew that I didn't want to be on medication unless it was absolutely necessary. I prayed about it and felt that it was the right thing to do, but also gave myself the opportunity to go back on them if necessary. The first week off the meds was particularly tough, however I don't think that it has anything to do with the medication, but rather a spiritual battle.The enemy will use anything and everything he can to take you off guard, to make you feel like you can't do something, or that you will fail. He is the prince of lies and desperate to rob us of our joy at any given moment. For the first time in months I felt exposed, vulnerable, weak and scared. 

Looking back I realise this was the devil coming against me. My business was growing successfully and I was wholeheartedly serving God through the leadership team and worship team at Renewal Christian Centre, I was on fire for God and ready to take my relationship with Him to an even higher level. The devil knew this and did his damnedest to make sure I was not in a good place, he wanted to trample my dreams, make me doubt my recovery and my gifts and question my strength and my trust in God. What he didn't account for was the power of God within me. 

God reminded me how precious I am to him, how he only has plans for good, plans to make me prosper, plans to give me a hope and a future. Every time I have read my Bible in the past two weeks I have read about renewing your mind, and it only just occurred to me this morning that God is confirming to me that I am making the right decision in coming off my medication, that He will be my strength and my stay, and that I am changed by a new way of thinking, a transformed Christ-like mindset. Some of the many scriptures God has sown into my heart are below, and I cling to them knowing that He will continue to bring me through the completion of my recovery.

I raised you up for this very purpose, that I might display my power in you and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth.Romans 9:17 NIV

Carefully guard your thoughts because they are the source of true life Proverbs 4:23 CEV

Think the same way that Jesus thought Philippians 2:5 CEV

Let God change the way you think Romans 12:2 CEV

Be changed by a new way of thinking Romans 12:2 NIV

You dear children, are from God and have overcome..because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world 1 John 4 NIV

I am not saying that any sufferer of depression should abandon their medication. This decision is personal to me after several months of treatment, counselling and prayer, and my time scale may be very different to someone else's. What I would say to you if you are affected by depression or mental illness is that God loves you, He sent His son Jesus to die for you so that you could be set free from sickness and disease, and He will help you through the darkness and out the other side if you will only open your heart to Him. Whether you remain on medication for six months or six years is irrelevant, the only thing that is important is your salvation and security in Jesus. Let Him in, let Him transform you from the inside out, mind body and soul, and this all starts with giving Him your heart.

2014 - A Year of Possibilities & Promises

Welcome 2014! After a fabulous evening of love, laughter, good food and great friends I am the first awake on the first day of the New Year (courtesy of my small children who think sleep is for the weak)

So as I sip my lemon and ginger tea to counteract the celebratory champers consumed at midnight last night, I am sat in our besties front room

watching my gorgeous sons playing and thanking God for the crazy ways he has blessed me in the past decade. 

Not only have I met and married my best friend and lover, we have moved house twice, become part of the ministry team at our amazing church Renewal, made life long friends along the way to share the journey of life and faith, both launched our own businesses and most importantly been given the gift of children. 

At the start of the noughties I was a single girl, living in Cambridgeshire, working as a veterinary nurse and if someone had said to me 8 years ago that I would be living in Birmingham, married with two children, serving God in the worship team and  a freelance writing career I would have laughed in their face! The truth is I thought I had 'everything', I was doing what I thought was my dream job, living week to week on my paycheck with no responsibilities and partying like it was 1999...again, but I was searching for more, a deep longing in my heart that could only be filled by Jesus.

Gods plans far exceed mine, and He has proved over and over again since I gave my heart to Jesus, that He knows best and the way He has transformed and enriched my life is just beyond anything I could have hoped for or imagined.

"For I know the plans I have for you, declared The Lord, plans to give you a hope and a future...." Jeremiah 29:11

God always fulfils His plans and promises for our life. Even when we are struggling and can't see beyond the next step in our journey we just need to trust in Him and He will hold our hands through each decision and guide us along the right path for us. If we will only follow His lead this year the possibilities are endless as God will go ahead of us and prepare a way for us, so let's take His hand this year and let Him lead us in 2014.

2013 What A Year It Has Been! New Baby, New House, New Business

So here I am, sat in a completely packed Starbucks in the Birmingham Bullring on 30^th December, with soy latte in hand and I am ready to write my last blog of 2013.

OK, so to be honest, my blog writing has been pretty much non existent this year on account of me learning to juggle being a mother of two combined with a busy church life, a writing career, a lively 3 year old and moving house. Our second son Isaac was born on 1^st March 2013, and he has been a complete blessing, such a contented happy baby who loves to be snuggled much to my delight. However I wasn't expecting my new arrival to come with additional extras in the form of post natal depression, and although I realised very quickly after the birth that something was wrong, I did not get formally diagnosed until Isaac was four months old.

During this time, I celebrated my thirtieth birthday with my family and we moved house to a new area in order to be closer to our preferred schools for Aaron, who will start reception next September. Our new home is lovely and our neighbours are wonderful, but while I busied myself with setting up each room my heart ached with loneliness and a darkness that I could not shake off. The PND diagnosis was a welcome relief, and I instantly felt better just knowing that I wasn't actually going mad and that I did genuinely have an illness that could be treated. Acknowledging the problem felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders, and the medication quickly helped to balance me out. Isaac is now 10 months old and I feel back to my old self again, and am thoroughly enjoying every minute of raising my two beautiful boys.

September saw me fully launch my freelance writing career and I am absolutely overjoyed to be able to use my creative skills in this way. Writing has long been a passion of mine, and whether it is a journalistic piece, a product review or a short fictional story, I find such pleasure in the written word and making sense of sentences. This was also the month that I rejoined the worship team at Renewal Christian Centre, where my husband and I are members. We love Jesus and it is an honour to be part of and serve such a lively vibrant church, and I count it as the highest privilege to lead people in worship here. There are so many new developments in the pipeline for 2014 we can't wait to see people's hearts touched and lives changed at Renewal in the coming months.

So what's next for me? I am continuing with my writing and plan to build on the foundations I have already laid down, I am blessed to be able to work around my children and spend as much time as I can with them while they are so young. I also enjoy taking and distributing Herbalife nutritional products to keep me fit and healthy and helping my clients do the same.

I want to focus on deepening my relationship with God and enriching my marriage to my best friend this year, time flies by so very fast and I don't want to waste a moment by being distracted with unnecessary things. My God and my family are the most important things in the world to me, and with them by my side I know I can't go far wrong. I plan to write more for 'me' too this year, in the form of this blog, as I find writing down my thoughts so therapeutic, plus reading other peoples blogs gives me such inspiration and I hope mine can do the same. Jesus was the ultimate storyteller, using words and parables to reach thousands of people where they were at, and I would love to think that maybe one day my writing can reach out to others who can relate to my experiences. I pray that each and every reader will have a blessed, prosperous and peaceful 2014!  

Supernatural Childbirth

Wow these last few days feel like such a happy whirlwind.... I am so pleased to share our supernatural childbirth with you! I had three or four false alarms in the two weeks leading up to the birth of our son where I had regular strong contractions that weren't too painful for anything between 3 and 12 hours. I then had a sweep on my due date and was told I was 1cm dilated, my cervix very soft and stretchy and to expect baby any day! I had yet more braxton hicks most of the day Wednesday and by Thursday I was very uncomfortable and getting tired as couldn't rest thinking 'is this it?'. By Thursday evening I wanted to know if anything was happening so went to Solihull Birth Unit to be examined. The midwife said she thought my waters had gone so I was 'on the clock' and had until 11am the following day to give birth otherwise I would be induced. The midwives at Solihull were very concerned about baby's size as I had a huge bump and was 'all baby' measuring at 43/44 weeks when I was actually 40+3 and agreed they would rather I deliver at Heartlands as they were worried that we could have complications due to baby's size. I was only 2cm dilated (this was at around 12am) so they told me to go home for a few hours until the contractions were stronger then to go to Heartlands Hospital.

We got home around 1am and my lovely sister was babysitting and still awake so we all had a cup of tea and then my waters well and truly went - everywhere! It was the strangest sensation and we all laughed as Dave ran for towels... then the contractions were double strength and coming thick and fast and within 5 minutes we were back in the car going to Heartlands.

We got to hospital at 2:14am and were put in to a clinical looking delivery room - no waterbirths or midwife led units allowed now as we were technically high risk wish I was a little sad about as we had a lovely waterbirth with Aaron. The contractions were very intense and I was pretty nervous about possible intervention but I knew we were in the right place and felt Gods peace as Dave and I prayed throughout the labour.

The midwife came in around 2.30am and said she thought I was very calm so suggested examining me later, I asked her to examine me there and then and she said 'oh you are fully dilated Mrs Edwards, would you like some gas and air?!' Classic! So I got up and knelt on the bed, had gas and air and soon needed to push. Within a few contractions Isaac Terence David was born at 3.22am on St David's Day weighing a hearty 9lbs 5oz!

The birth was amazing, no tears, stitches or complications. It was truly a supernatural birth and I could hear Dave praying all the way through. He is an awesome birth partner! We had been reading Supernatural Childbirth by Jackie Mize all the way through conception and pregnancy and God really blessed us with another fantastic birth experience. The book is amazing and helps you to discover and stand on the promises of God in the bible concerning conception, pregnancy and birth. We read it from 6 months pregnant with Aaron and from day one with Isaac.

After the obligatory tea and toast I showered and was wheeled down to Cedar ward with my bundle. It was so surreal watching this little tiny person staring back at me knowing that he was inside me just minutes before! God is good and as I gaze at my beautiful babies I am overwhelmed with gratitude and love to God for his blessings and to Jesus for standing with me every step of the way.

Parenting by the Book....

After a snowfilled family weekend, we went to church as normal today and our Pastor Dave Carr is teaching an awesome new series on Defeating the Seven Deadly Sins. Today's sermon was about anger and temper and it really spoke to me as a parent and challenged me to rethink my attitude and behaviour when dealing with a strong willed tantrum filled toddler! You can download the sermon for free via podcast from the website www.renewalcc.com and I urge you to please listen to it, but I wanted to share what I learned from it personally, I hope it will bless you as much as it has me!

7 Deadly Sins - Anger and Temper (my notes from today's sermon)

He who loses the temper has lost the fight.

Temper is the habit of the mind, an outburst of anger, feeling of displeasure. Jesus and God got angry in the bible and anger itself is not a sin, but reacting by losing your temper is.

Ephesians 4:26 says don't let the sun go down on your anger - you can be angry but don't sin by lashing out verbally or physically and always deal with the anger and bitterness before you sleep on it.

If what we say does not build someone or something up then we shouldn't speak it out. As Christians we are called to take off our old self - with our bad tempers, poor habits and past failings and put on our new self, through Jesus who died for us.

Ephesians 4:17 the problem is not in our spirit it is in our minds. It is a habit of the mind that you must CHANGE.

1. We need to realise that anger does not become justified by the circumstance.

Regardless if its the twentieth time that I have told my son not to do something and he purposefully does it anyway, does that justify me losing my temper and getting cross?

2. Our reaction to the circumstance is about who we are not what the circumstance is.

As an adult and a parent I am called to be a role model to my child and show him how to deal with emotions and situations in a Christ like manner- not model a 'do as I say not as I do' parenting style...

3. Never try to justify our actions by comparing to others.

So what if other moms use different parenting methods to me; their child is an individual who will require a different approach to my child. There is no harm in discussing and researching parenting methods but I mustn't compare myself or my child but prayerfully do what is right in the eyes of God.

4. Appreciate and appropriate grace.

Jesus died for me and forgave my sins which are way worse than anything my child may have done to upset me that day, surely I ought to forgive as I have been forgiven only even quicker rather than allow myself to get so angry and upset by his behaviour?

5. Put off our reactionary attitude.

Don't react! If I feel tired and fractious take time out for myself and count to ten... Don't automatically raise my voice to deal with a situation, but remain calm and consistent. My son needs a stable parent to rely on while he deals with the emotions and hormones of growing up, not one who flies of the handle.

6. Replace anger and intolerance with the gifts of the spirit - love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self control.

There is so much more in the sermon but this really spoke to my heart as a mom struggling to deal with the terrible twos/threes.... So with this in mind and my heart well and truly challenged I will be approaching my beautiful son very differently in the future to help shape him into the strong man of God he is destined to be :)

Remembering the reason for the season...

I am soo excited that its is three sleeps till Christmas Day! My three year old is completely overwhelmed by and caught up in the magic of Christmas, we have had Christmas parties, carol singing, umpteen chistmas movies including a trip to see the 4D rocket the reindeer movie and of course meeting the one and only Santa Claus and Mrs Claus! Aaron has told Santa what he would like for Christmas and he has been excitedly helping us pick out gifts for our family and friends.

I have loved watching him become more and more excited and in awe of this fabulous festive season. Of course we have been reading Aaron's Christmas Bible story book and he loves hearing the story of Baby Jesus and how the angels came to tell the shepherds about the newborn King! I love that at the heart of this time of year is our awesome God who came down from heaven, became man and took on all the sins of the world so that we would be free and forgiven. Now that truly is the most amazing and selfless gift of love and it is freely given to each and everyone of us, we just need to accept it and then see how God will transform our hearts and lives :)

Not only have we been getting ready for Christmas but we have also started making preparations for baby Edwards no.2 who is due in February! I finished work last week (yay!) and have started washing Aaron's baby clothes and getting my hospital bag ready. After Christmas we are going to put up the crib and get the bedding and washable nappies all prepared, I cannot wait! Looking at the tiny baby gros and scratch mitts that my three year old boisterous boy used to wear is mind blowing, where did those three years go? And when did he go from 7lbs 11oz to 3 1/2 stone?! Love being a momma and can't believe I am blessed to do it all over again. :)

Happy holidays everyone and remember that Jesus is the reason for the season!