2013 What A Year It Has Been! New Baby, New House, New Business

So here I am, sat in a completely packed Starbucks in the Birmingham Bullring on 30^th December, with soy latte in hand and I am ready to write my last blog of 2013.

OK, so to be honest, my blog writing has been pretty much non existent this year on account of me learning to juggle being a mother of two combined with a busy church life, a writing career, a lively 3 year old and moving house. Our second son Isaac was born on 1^st March 2013, and he has been a complete blessing, such a contented happy baby who loves to be snuggled much to my delight. However I wasn't expecting my new arrival to come with additional extras in the form of post natal depression, and although I realised very quickly after the birth that something was wrong, I did not get formally diagnosed until Isaac was four months old.

During this time, I celebrated my thirtieth birthday with my family and we moved house to a new area in order to be closer to our preferred schools for Aaron, who will start reception next September. Our new home is lovely and our neighbours are wonderful, but while I busied myself with setting up each room my heart ached with loneliness and a darkness that I could not shake off. The PND diagnosis was a welcome relief, and I instantly felt better just knowing that I wasn't actually going mad and that I did genuinely have an illness that could be treated. Acknowledging the problem felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders, and the medication quickly helped to balance me out. Isaac is now 10 months old and I feel back to my old self again, and am thoroughly enjoying every minute of raising my two beautiful boys.

September saw me fully launch my freelance writing career and I am absolutely overjoyed to be able to use my creative skills in this way. Writing has long been a passion of mine, and whether it is a journalistic piece, a product review or a short fictional story, I find such pleasure in the written word and making sense of sentences. This was also the month that I rejoined the worship team at Renewal Christian Centre, where my husband and I are members. We love Jesus and it is an honour to be part of and serve such a lively vibrant church, and I count it as the highest privilege to lead people in worship here. There are so many new developments in the pipeline for 2014 we can't wait to see people's hearts touched and lives changed at Renewal in the coming months.

So what's next for me? I am continuing with my writing and plan to build on the foundations I have already laid down, I am blessed to be able to work around my children and spend as much time as I can with them while they are so young. I also enjoy taking and distributing Herbalife nutritional products to keep me fit and healthy and helping my clients do the same.

I want to focus on deepening my relationship with God and enriching my marriage to my best friend this year, time flies by so very fast and I don't want to waste a moment by being distracted with unnecessary things. My God and my family are the most important things in the world to me, and with them by my side I know I can't go far wrong. I plan to write more for 'me' too this year, in the form of this blog, as I find writing down my thoughts so therapeutic, plus reading other peoples blogs gives me such inspiration and I hope mine can do the same. Jesus was the ultimate storyteller, using words and parables to reach thousands of people where they were at, and I would love to think that maybe one day my writing can reach out to others who can relate to my experiences. I pray that each and every reader will have a blessed, prosperous and peaceful 2014!  

PND and me

So four months ago I was diagnosed with Post Natal Depression. Me, bubbly outgoing Rachel who is always smiley and happy. I have always been a glass half full kind of girl so to be told I was depressed was unexpected and a lot to take in, especially when I was had nothing more than baby blues with Aaron. 

I vividly remember Isaac being 5 weeks old and I felt like I couldn't cope with both children to the point that I went to stay with my in laws for a week. My eldest was struggling with the transition from being an only child to having a sibling and I was at my wits end juggling my newborn, breast feeding on demand and my 3yo. I knew about baby blues and hormones but I felt so different this time round. I felt constantly on the verge of tears, I could not cope with the smallest of decisions or stresses and felt completely overwhelmed and alone despite the amazing support of my family.   I kept putting my feelings down to being tired and the strain of learning to juggle two children, but I quickly realised that things weren't improving as I had hoped. 

My husband started noticing that I wasn't myself and I seemed lost, incredibly vulnerable and emotional. Each day I would ring him in tears about one thing or another.It all culminated when we went to a lovely friends wedding. Everyone wanted to ask me about the baby and tell me how lucky I was to have two beautiful boys and all I wanted to do was talk about anything but motherhood as I felt so ashamed that I was struggling so much. I avoided questions and just wanted to run away from it all, then as I watched the bride and groom dance their first dance I wanted to warn them to enjoy each other and hold off from having children too soon because everything will change...... My husband noticed a change in my face as I watched them and it was like a switch was flicked off inside me. 

I adore my children. They are very much wanted, prayed and planned for, and God has blessed us so abundantly. So to feel so out of sorts when I had all I have ever wanted really knocked me for six. I felt so ashamed that I was feeling like this when I know that so many women would give anything to have what I had. I did hot have any problems bonding with my baby, he was an angel from day one, such a sweet placid boy. However due to the transitional difficulties that my eldest was experiencing I felt constantly torn between them both and incredibly drained. The following day after the wedding I confessed to my hubby how I was feeling and we discussed that we thought I may have some degree of post natal depression. 

My son was 16 weeks old when I went to the doctors. I sobbed in front of my GP who was amazing. She completely understood and made me feel normal, that my thoughts and feelings were relevant, important and not made up, and that it was OK. She reassured me and after a lengthy discussion I began taking SSRI antidepressants. I felt better almost immediately after having being diagnosed, it was as if a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I prayed about the diagnosis and treatment and God showed me that He would guide me through every step of this journey. He reminded me that in my weakness he is strong, and that I should boast in my weaknesses as it is Christ in me that will get me through. So I have openly discussed my depression over the last few months and am now sharing this with you. 

My condition is vastly improved, I feel like my old self again and my husband has got his wife back. I am loving every precious moment with my sons and will not allow myself to be a victim. I am a strong woman of God, an overcomer and a conqueror. I know that God will use this to help others so I want to encourage you that if you or anyone you know thinks they may be suffering from PND please PLEASE don't battle in alone. Get seen, get diagnosed and get help. It is normal, there is no shame and it does not mean you are a bad mother. In fact seeking help as soon as possible shows just what a great mom you are as you care enough about your children to love and care for yourself. 

I am still on this journey and I know that with Gods grace I will come out the other side. 

Stay blessed xxxx

Supernatural Childbirth

Wow these last few days feel like such a happy whirlwind.... I am so pleased to share our supernatural childbirth with you! I had three or four false alarms in the two weeks leading up to the birth of our son where I had regular strong contractions that weren't too painful for anything between 3 and 12 hours. I then had a sweep on my due date and was told I was 1cm dilated, my cervix very soft and stretchy and to expect baby any day! I had yet more braxton hicks most of the day Wednesday and by Thursday I was very uncomfortable and getting tired as couldn't rest thinking 'is this it?'. By Thursday evening I wanted to know if anything was happening so went to Solihull Birth Unit to be examined. The midwife said she thought my waters had gone so I was 'on the clock' and had until 11am the following day to give birth otherwise I would be induced. The midwives at Solihull were very concerned about baby's size as I had a huge bump and was 'all baby' measuring at 43/44 weeks when I was actually 40+3 and agreed they would rather I deliver at Heartlands as they were worried that we could have complications due to baby's size. I was only 2cm dilated (this was at around 12am) so they told me to go home for a few hours until the contractions were stronger then to go to Heartlands Hospital.

We got home around 1am and my lovely sister was babysitting and still awake so we all had a cup of tea and then my waters well and truly went - everywhere! It was the strangest sensation and we all laughed as Dave ran for towels... then the contractions were double strength and coming thick and fast and within 5 minutes we were back in the car going to Heartlands.

We got to hospital at 2:14am and were put in to a clinical looking delivery room - no waterbirths or midwife led units allowed now as we were technically high risk wish I was a little sad about as we had a lovely waterbirth with Aaron. The contractions were very intense and I was pretty nervous about possible intervention but I knew we were in the right place and felt Gods peace as Dave and I prayed throughout the labour.

The midwife came in around 2.30am and said she thought I was very calm so suggested examining me later, I asked her to examine me there and then and she said 'oh you are fully dilated Mrs Edwards, would you like some gas and air?!' Classic! So I got up and knelt on the bed, had gas and air and soon needed to push. Within a few contractions Isaac Terence David was born at 3.22am on St David's Day weighing a hearty 9lbs 5oz!

The birth was amazing, no tears, stitches or complications. It was truly a supernatural birth and I could hear Dave praying all the way through. He is an awesome birth partner! We had been reading Supernatural Childbirth by Jackie Mize all the way through conception and pregnancy and God really blessed us with another fantastic birth experience. The book is amazing and helps you to discover and stand on the promises of God in the bible concerning conception, pregnancy and birth. We read it from 6 months pregnant with Aaron and from day one with Isaac.

After the obligatory tea and toast I showered and was wheeled down to Cedar ward with my bundle. It was so surreal watching this little tiny person staring back at me knowing that he was inside me just minutes before! God is good and as I gaze at my beautiful babies I am overwhelmed with gratitude and love to God for his blessings and to Jesus for standing with me every step of the way.

What a difference a day makes...

Well I am pleased to report that after tantrum-gate on Tuesday we have had a complete turn around in the Edwards household! A massive thank you to all who got in touch to offer prayers, love and support, it clearly worked praise God.

As heartbreaking as it was, we stuck to our guns and our gorgeous 3yo went to bed without his favourite bear for the first time. We knew we had to follow through with our threat to take him away but so hoped it wouldn't be necessary! A did eventually calm down and sleep through the night and when he woke up the next morning the first thing he did was apologise for shouting, and he has been good as gold ever since! He has been particularly sensitive to how we feel, he knew that it really upset us to see him so upset and also the way he was behaving towards us and he has been polite and thoughtful all week. The odd and thankfully occasion where he has started to look like he may throw a wobbly we have been able to quickly distract him and by remaining calm, consistent and not reacting to his demands the situation has been dissolved easily.

There are never any easy options when disciplining children, the Bible tells us "Discipline your children while there is hope. Otherwise you will ruin their lives. "(Proverbs 19:18 NLT) and "Those who spare the rod of discipline hate their children. Those who love their children care enough to discipline them." (Proverbs 13:24 NLT)

I know that discipline comes in many different forms and I know that every child is a unique individual who will require a unique approach. For our spirited 3 year old we need to show him how to control his feelings and emotions by controlling ours, and this is something that is a continual learning process for all of us. We can learn so much by the way that our awesome Heavenly Father parents us as his children - with unconditional love, grace and forgiveness accompanied by gentle conviction and rebuking. I know that there will be many more tantrums and tough times ahead, especially with the addition of a second child to our family unit, however right now I am so thankful to God for my beautiful, clever little boy and that we have had an amazing week together. Long may these happy days continue!

Toddlers Tantrums and Tears

Most of the tears are mine. I feel like banging my head against the proverbial brick wall. My three year old is the apple of my eye, an intelligent, cute little boy who has a wicked sense of humour and a vivid imagination. He also has the worst temper I have ever seen on a child and his recent tantrum episodes have escalated beyond anything I have ever experiences.

Bedtime is usually the worst time however his hissy fits can occur at any time of the day, usually over washing his hands, brushing his teeth or getting dressed. We have tried everything from time out to taking away toys, and we are met with screams, shouts, foot stomping and throwing of toys. My neighbours must think we are wicked parents as all they must hear are screams of a 3 year old occasionally followed by our own retaliation when we have reached our limit.

Today has been monumentally bad. I had to resort to driving my son around in the car to get him to sleep it off after he screamed and tantrummed for 1 hour 40 minutes. He did eventually crash out only to wake in the same foul mood as he went to sleep in. Nursery have no problems, it is only at home which doesn't make me feel any better.

We are expecting baby no. 2 any day and although I am under no illusion that this may have some bearing on the all to regular outbursts, I am also painfully aware that it is simply a very stubborn and unpleasant phase that we need to work through. The only way to do that is remain consistent, keep calm and muddle on, so much easier said than done when you are 9 months pregnant and knackered and just want to enjoy the last few precious weeks with your first born before the chaos of a newborn.... And then the proverbial will really hit the fan....

As I type my son is still shouting an hour on from bedtime and has thrown all his toys and bedding out of his room. Tried distraction, offering cuddles, softly softly approach, ignoring, removing toys and even shouting back. Hubby desperately trying to work in his study next door and I would love to sleep if not for the bloodcurdling cries echoing through my house. Hate that we are both in tears and can't seem to do anything to help it.

Answers on a postcard please.

The Liebster Award!

The Liebster Award is for bloggers with fewer than 300 followers. A blogger nominates 11 fellow bloggers and asks them a set of 11 questions. The rules state that a nominee must link back to the blogger from whom they received a nomination. The nominee will write 11 random facts about themselves and then answer the 11 questions which have been set for them. They in turn will nominate another 11 bloggers and pose 11 questions to them. This is such a cool fun way to connect with new bloggers, find out more about each other and hopefully help us all gain some new followers along the way.

Thank you so much to Julia Edwards - teacakeandmyboy who nominated me, I really appreciate it! so here goes....

Random Facts about me.....
1. I am 30 this year - eek!
2. I met my husband through Internet dating! We were both Christians looking for someone to share life and faith with and got chatting on a christian dating site before meeting on Valentines Day in 2006, engaged in 2007 and married 17th May 2008 :)
3. We have one 3 year old son and a second one due in February 2013!
4. We recently relocated from rural Warwick to Birmingham (!) to be closer to our church Renewal Christian Centre.
5. I am a singer and part of the worship team at Renewal - although currently on maternity leave!
6. I am totally OCD about tidiness and am always reorganising toys/kitchen cupboards/furniture/filing etc much to the annoyance of my long suffering husband....
7. I trained as a veterinary nurse which I did for 7 years then fancied trying a 9-5 office job for 12 months and never looked back!
8. I love handbags. And scarves. Seriously they are my Achilles heel.
9. Dave and I would love to adopt in the future, we may possibly start looking into it when our boys are 7 and 5.
10. I love Starbucks and Cafe Nero (close call between the two!) my current fave drink is chai latte but caramel macchiato is close second!
11. I loved Kirstie's Homemade Home series and this inspired me to take up sewing, crocheting as general crafting in 2012 :) still loving it in 2013!!

Julie's 11 Questions for me:
1. Why did you start blogging?
Because I wanted to chart my journey into the world of crafting, and at the same to w was joining the worship team at Renewal Christian Centre whilst being a mom to my son Aaron and working part time... Always have liked being busy!!

2. Earliest memory?
Playing in my nan's garden with my little sister, we would 'hide' in the flower beds!

3. Biscuits or cake?
Ooh close call but biscuits would cinch it for me!

4. Most embarrasing moment?
Oh gosh there are soo many.... Don't even know what to choose!

5. Where do like going on holiday?
Anywhere as long as I am with my hubby and boys :) but do love a warm climate!!

6. Tea or coffee drinker?
Ooh, love my Starbucks but at home its redbush 'rooibos' tea every time!

7. If you won the lottery how would you spend it?
I don't gamble so would never win but if given money I would clear debts, buy a house and invest for our children.

8. What's your favourite season and why?
Spring - new life and new potential! Love seeing the buds and plants spring back into life and the splashes of colour come back into the scenery.

9. What are your hobbies?
Love singing, sewing, crochet and blogging!

10. What couldn't you live without (phone not included)?
My husband :)

11. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be and why?
Probably South of France or Spain so that we are still close enough to see family but able to enjoy the sea and warmer temperatures!

Here are my nominated bloggers:

http://catchasinglethought@blogspot.co.uk
http://themummyadventure.blogspot.com
http://butwhymummywhy.wordpress.com
http://yummymummyflabbytummy.blogspot.com
http://www.mummydaddyandmemakesthree.co.uk
http://wordsofjoy75.blogspot.co.uk
http://hollybobb.blogspot.com
http://thisdayilove.blogspot.co.uk
http://www.lovefrommummy.co.uk
http://multiplemummy.com/


and my questions to you are....
1. What made you start a blog?
2. If you could do anything career wise what would choose to do?
3. If you could go on holiday anywhere in the world where would you go?
4. Do you have any hobbies?
5. Do you believe in God or have a faith/religion?
6. What is your favourite food?
7. Shoes or handbags?
8. Tomato ketchup or HP brown sauce?
9. If you could have a conversation with anyone in the world, dead or alive who would it be and why?
10. What do you do to relax and unwind?
11. If you could go back in time and talk to your 16 year old self what would you say?

Love R xxxxx

Parenting by the Book....

After a snowfilled family weekend, we went to church as normal today and our Pastor Dave Carr is teaching an awesome new series on Defeating the Seven Deadly Sins. Today's sermon was about anger and temper and it really spoke to me as a parent and challenged me to rethink my attitude and behaviour when dealing with a strong willed tantrum filled toddler! You can download the sermon for free via podcast from the website www.renewalcc.com and I urge you to please listen to it, but I wanted to share what I learned from it personally, I hope it will bless you as much as it has me!

7 Deadly Sins - Anger and Temper (my notes from today's sermon)

He who loses the temper has lost the fight.

Temper is the habit of the mind, an outburst of anger, feeling of displeasure. Jesus and God got angry in the bible and anger itself is not a sin, but reacting by losing your temper is.

Ephesians 4:26 says don't let the sun go down on your anger - you can be angry but don't sin by lashing out verbally or physically and always deal with the anger and bitterness before you sleep on it.

If what we say does not build someone or something up then we shouldn't speak it out. As Christians we are called to take off our old self - with our bad tempers, poor habits and past failings and put on our new self, through Jesus who died for us.

Ephesians 4:17 the problem is not in our spirit it is in our minds. It is a habit of the mind that you must CHANGE.

1. We need to realise that anger does not become justified by the circumstance.

Regardless if its the twentieth time that I have told my son not to do something and he purposefully does it anyway, does that justify me losing my temper and getting cross?

2. Our reaction to the circumstance is about who we are not what the circumstance is.

As an adult and a parent I am called to be a role model to my child and show him how to deal with emotions and situations in a Christ like manner- not model a 'do as I say not as I do' parenting style...

3. Never try to justify our actions by comparing to others.

So what if other moms use different parenting methods to me; their child is an individual who will require a different approach to my child. There is no harm in discussing and researching parenting methods but I mustn't compare myself or my child but prayerfully do what is right in the eyes of God.

4. Appreciate and appropriate grace.

Jesus died for me and forgave my sins which are way worse than anything my child may have done to upset me that day, surely I ought to forgive as I have been forgiven only even quicker rather than allow myself to get so angry and upset by his behaviour?

5. Put off our reactionary attitude.

Don't react! If I feel tired and fractious take time out for myself and count to ten... Don't automatically raise my voice to deal with a situation, but remain calm and consistent. My son needs a stable parent to rely on while he deals with the emotions and hormones of growing up, not one who flies of the handle.

6. Replace anger and intolerance with the gifts of the spirit - love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self control.

There is so much more in the sermon but this really spoke to my heart as a mom struggling to deal with the terrible twos/threes.... So with this in mind and my heart well and truly challenged I will be approaching my beautiful son very differently in the future to help shape him into the strong man of God he is destined to be :)

Sew while it snows!!

The subzero temperatures mean that it is too cold and icy for an 8 month pregnant momma to venture outside so while the boy plays/sleeps I had made the most of being housebound by doing a spot of sewing!

My lovely friend Mieke gave me a bag of fabric offcuts and so far I have made a cushion cover for my sister and a neck scarf for me! I just love getting my fabrics out and having a play on the sewing machine, although as beautiful as it is, working on a 1950's sewing machine certainly has its pitfalls at times! It can only do simple straight stitch and reverse stitch and the bobbin can be very temperamental so all my creations have to be very simple (which suits me as a beginner!) I have been using it for a year and am hoping to invest in a more up to date model for my birthday in April - the big three-oh! Here are some pics of my latest creations :)

Crochet Complete!!

I can't believe I have finally finished our new baby's blanket :) it has taken me best part of 30 weeks on and off though! It is very simple and very homemade - can see now where I made few mistakes that I wouldn't make second time round but I have thoroughly loved making this blanket and found it so therapeutic!

The blanket has taken pride of place in Baby Edwards crib which is now up along with our new curtains in our bedroom. All bags are packed (except for Aaron's) so we are officially 'ready' for the arrival... Only 6 weeks till due date, I wonder what I can make between now and then?? We do need a mobile to go above the crib so I might check out Pinterest for some inspiration on how to make one myself!

Hope you are all having a fabulous weekend xxx

So we are having a baby this year....!

Happy New Year everyone! We had a truly amazing Christmas celebrating Jesus's birth with friends and family near and far, we enjoyed singing carols, playing lots of board games, walks in the park and far too much chocolate :) We stayed local this year having lunch at my parents after church on Christmas Day then Dave's parents stayed from Boxing Day onwards then we enjoyed birthday and New Year celebrations with our lovely friends twin boys.

But now the decorations are down and it's back to work and nursery (or start of maternity leave for me!!) I am now 32 weeks pregnant and on the official final countdown to our second sons arrival. This also marks the start of my stepping down from the worship team and choir until after the birth as a) I can't stand for long periods of time and b) there is increasingly less room for my diaphragm to flatten therefore I can't reach the notes I used to and also get out of breath quickly! Will miss it :(

We are so excited that we finally meet our newest addition in a matter of weeks and we are getting all the final preparations underway....washing Aaron's baby clothes, cloth nappies and bedding, fishing out and cleaning the car seat and building the crib and packing the all important hospital bags!

Plus the all important comforter has finally been chosen today by Aaron... He has had a Disney 'Roo' bear since birth and he and Roo are inseparable three years on so we knew we wanted the baby to have one of his own so we are proud to introduce you to 'Blu' bear!

The impending arrival also means that I need to crack on with finishing my crochet blanket for the baby....only two stripes left to go in my pattern! Can't believe how long this blanket had taken me, but I have genuinely loved making this little item to wrap our new bundle up in, even if it won't last him much past 12 months... I can always add rows on later if necessary right...?