What can I do to make you love me?

There are days when parenting seems like the hardest, most thankless job in the  world.

Today is one of them. From breakfast battles to dressing dilemmas, the school run yet again ended in tears (mine). 

I can cope with cheekiness, even tantrums, but I cannot cope with an attitude that would give a hormonal teenager a run for their money. My disastrous morning recipe was as follows; one grumpy boy seemingly intent on doing anything but what I asked, no matter how nicely, liberally peppered with mean and downright rude words intended to incite a reaction in me, a handful of time outs and a sprinkling (or rather waterfall) of tears.

I must stress that this is not how my mornings usually start, but when this is the case it turns my world upside down, gives me more tension in my shoulders than weight lifting and causes my heart to ache as I try to rationalise in my head what I could possibly have done to make my son hate me so much. 

Of course, I know he doesn't hate me (even though when he screams it from the time out mat at the top of his lungs it sure feels like it). The anger and frustration I feel soon gives way to concern and worry as I wonder how I can make him 'love me' and what I can do to help ensure our time before and after school are fun filled hours where we both feel happy in each other's company. 

When I feel a little calmer and look a little closer I don't see an angry naughty boy hell bent on ruining my day. Instead I see a little boy who is bright and articulate, desperate for my attention away from chores/work/phone, who maybe, just maybe needs me even more than I realise right now. His demands and protests could be due to changes at school, uncertainty as mom goes back to work and tiredness as we progress theough the first term of the year.

Maybe, just maybe, God is teaching me more about grace, forgiveness and unconditional love through my son than I could ever learn by reading a book. So today I spent the afternoon building my sons police Lego set ready for us to play with after school. (No mean feat I can tell you!) 

Time to get back to basics, the dust on the shelves and debris on my floor can wait, my children need me today.

Soul searching and song writing

When I was a little girl I loved to write.

Whether it was a story, a poem or a song, I loved nothing more then getting my thoughts on to paper, and I would spend hours writing on reams of paper. I especially loved songwriting and was bought my first guitar around the age of 11. I never had official lessons, but taught myself general chords and was soon strumming away to my very own songs. 

My memories of writing music are all centred around my nan. It was my nan who bought my first guitar and it was in my bedroom in her house where I would sit cross legged on my bed, pen in mouth playing with chords whilst watching the birds hopping around in the trees outside my window. My nan was a big fan of country music and my sister and I would spend many happy hours playing her Dolly Parton vinyls, making up our own dance routines and putting on a show for our long suffering family members. 

When my nan died, so did a big part of me. I was incredibly close to her, and as a 14 year old girl I wasn't ready to handle impending adulthood without her and consequently lost my way a little shortly after. Music remained dear to me, so much so that my guitar joined me on my journeys to university and then on to my adventures in London as a trainee veterinary nurse. However, I somehow forgot to take it away with me when I finally left London, and with it I left my dreams of writing music and expressing my emotions through song. 

I later rediscovered this love when I became a Christian and first experienced worship music. The ability to express my love for a God that so loved me opened my eyes to a whole new level of singing and songwriting, and I eventually joined the worship band in my church.

I have toyed with the idea of getting another guitar many many times, but had recently stepped down from worship to concentrate on pastoral care in our church so it has gone off the radar. Then I discovered Nashville season 1 on SkyGo TV Boxsets and reignited my passion to get a guitar and get writing.

Do I think I will play my songs for others? Probably not. Yes, I can sing but a lot of the songs that I wrote were personal and I have always considered them to be more of a therapy for me than a performance for others. That said, if God wanted to use me or them for His glory who am I to argue? So I am officially looking for a new set of strings to get me back into the swing of singing again, and I am so looking forward to rediscovering myself and getting even closer to God in the process. 

R x

Multitasking Mommy

Any one who has ever stood in the playground having a conversation with a fellow parent whilst keeping a keen eye on two children knows the importance of multitasking.

In fact, without this skill, I would go as far as to say that parenting would be nigh on impossible unless you are a hermit who is happy to live a solitary lifestyle for the next 18 years. Mom's, I have discovered, seem to have this skill finely tuned by the time their child reaches 18 months, and certainly it is honed to perfection when a second, third (or fourth!) sibling comes along. 

It is quite amazing how much you can achieve with a baby in your arms or a toddler on your hip. I have been known to cook dinners, wash floors, make phone calls and do multiple grocery shops in this exact position, and when you are sans child your productivity goes into overdrive. Who knew you could prepare the evening dinner, answer emails, write blogs, hoover carpets AND paint your nails in that two hour window? 

I don't think that multitasking is something that is a natural gift bestowed only to women (contrary to popular opinion), however I do think that we have to use it far more often than our male counterparts, and as the saying goes, practice makes perfect! Women are expected to be an awful lot of things, I can switch hats six times a day between wife/mother/writer/friend/daughter/pastor and although I cherish each and every role that I have been entrusted with, I often have to stop and think when do I get to put the 'me' hat on? So this evening, when my boys are in bed and my chores are done, I will be curling up on the sofa with a good book and a hot chocolate to indulge in some much needed me-time. Why don't you join me?

R x

It's you or the house....

Does anyone else feel like managing a family and running a household is an impossible task?

From day to day, I seem to run from one thing to another, with precious little 'me-time', all while trying to maintain the air of coolness and sophistication that accompanies the carefree lifestyle of those who don't have to hunt for lost shoes/dummies/book bags each morning. 

Today's schedule looked like this: get woken up, before my alarm by my eldest, feed the boys, grab cuppa, dress boys and myself, apply bb cream and lippy in half light of dawn, walk to school, walk back, put on laundry load, sweep up breakfast crumbs while playing hide and seek with my toddler, chase said toddler around local toddler group, come home to feed toddler, put him down for a nap, switch on laptop and catch up on emails and articles in between mouthfuls of a hastily made salad, wake toddler, put laundry out to dry, walk to school to collect 5yo, walk home, begin process of entertaining and feeding boys whilst cooking dinner and washing up breakfast dishes before hubby comes home. Upon his arrival, bath kids before dinner, put them to bed, eat dinner, drive to grocery store for weekly food shop, drive home to unpack grocery bags, write menu for the following week, check school bag and change bag and fill water bottles and depleted items, check on boys and iron uniform for next day, finally lock up and check cats are fed and watered with clean litter tray. 

I am exhausted!! In amongst all these chores I desperately want my house to remain clean to the high standard it was pre-children, and I want to maintain a half decent appearance so that my husband will recognise the wife of his youth and not be faced with a dishevelled, tired looking stranger when he walks through the door. More importantly I want to enjoy some quality time with my husband, talking, playing games, watching movies not to mention being close to one another physically.

But how on earth do people find the time to be the perfect wife/girlfriend/mother/friend/cook/housewife?

My hubby is amazing and helps no end in the house and especially with the boys, but I do find myself regularly thinking I just cannot keep up with everything and there is always something that suffers from my multitasking mayhem. I can be the perfect sex kitten wife with happy kids and a trashed house or a house proud stepford wife with immaculate floors, bored kids and a frustrated husband. And that's not even talking into account my working hours!

So my darling boys (big and small), I feel I must say that my attention can only be split so many ways during the day, so you just choose - it's you or the house! ;)

R x 

They are what YOU speak...

I am so sick of hearing the phrase 'He is a bad boy' or 'She is naughty girl'.

Now, as a mother of particularly boisterous boys, who have been more than a little challenging at times, I am only too aware that sometimes our children do misbehave. But I have learnt (the hard way) that confirming negative behaviour to a child will only entrench the behaviour even deeper, as they start to believe what they are told about themselves.

Children are NOT bad. They are not NAUGHTY. Their behaviour is not malicious and is not a personal attack on you or others around you. Children are tiny human beings who are learning what is right and wrong and are pushing the boundaries socially and physically to discover what is OK, what is acceptable. And yes, at times they will make the wrong choice. They will choose to snatch that toy, to push that child, to hit that parent or answer back in the middle of the playground. These choices and the resulting behaviour exhibited is naughty, not the child, and I would encourage any parent, guardian or carer, myself included, to isolate the behaviour and condemn this not the child in question.

Furthermore, if it is not your child exhibiting the behaviour, stop before you judge them or pass comment; that little boy lashing out may be struggling with separation from a father who left his mother six weeks ago, that little girl may have a poorly sibling who is requiring all mom and dad's attention so she is acting out to get noticed by someone.

Our words have more power than we could ever realise. The Bible tells us that our words have the power to destroy and the power to save lives (Proverbs 12:6) and for anyone who has ever been criticised, put down or gossiped about, you will know that words can wound deeper than any sword. When someone casts a careless comment to a child, saying 'You are a naughty girl', 'Why do you do that? What's wrong with you?' 'He is a nasty piece of work', they are speaking into their little, impressionable minds, into their soft vulnerable hearts and dealing them the most hurtful blow that can stay with them for the rest of their lives.

Having done The Five Love Languages, I am aware that my top love language is words of affirmation, so for me, words have a lasting effect that can have immeasurable repercussions on my emotional and mental well being. I remember harsh words spoken about me or to me from a very young age as if it were yesterday, and the comments still cause me to question my image, my ability or my talent some twenty five years later.

God spoke the world into being with his words and as we are made in His image, we are responsible for the words we speak out into and over others. Jesus himself said; "But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgement for every careless word they have spoken. For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned" Matthew 12:36-37

If you have guardianship or relationship with a child of any age, please, I urge you, be careful what you say to them, in front of them or around them. Children are like sponges that soak up all that flows in and around them, whether that is good or bad, positive or negative. Don't fill their heads with your own judgements, doubts, fears or frustrations. Make sure the words you speak into them are full of praise, encouragement and gentle love-filled discipline that will build your child into a strong, secure man or woman in the future.

R x

Happy Holidays with Haberman Baby

Happy New Year everyone! I hope you had a wonderful Christmas break and were thoroughly spoilt rotten by your loved ones. We had a lovely time spent with both sets of grandparents and the presents came early for Isaac this year in the form of three fabulous AnywayUp cups from Haberman Baby that we were sent to review over the Christmas period.

The three non spill sippy cups we received were:

The Bird Cup for 6 months +

The Cow Cup for 9 months+ 

And the 360 Toddler Cup for 18 months plus.

As we have only really used traditional beakers with lids, I was very excited to use non spill beakers that would save my poor soft furnishings from the drips and leaks! The patented Haberman valve has revolutionised the infant drinking industry and I was very glad to experience it for myself. 

The first thing I was impressed with when these innovative cups arrived was the packaging, as it was super easy to open with a simple popper system that even my five year old could master. Isaac was immediately drawn to the Cow cup as it has a vivid black and white cow print, and he is a massive farm animal fan! That was the first cup he drank from and he got on with it no problems at all. The lid needs to be pushed down quite firmly to ensure it is watertight as I soon discovered one morning when I was half asleep and did not secure the lid properly and was then given an impromptu shower with rice milk!

The second cup we tried was the Bird Cup, which has quickly become Isaac's favourite. I am not sure if this is because the flow may be slightly faster or whether it is just the uber cute blue bird design, but this is the one that he always reaches for. This cup has a screw top lid and once again we have had no leaks whatsoever with this brilliant cup.

The final cup was the 360 Toddler Cup, which has proved a big hit with both my 21 month old and my 5 year old! This cup has an innovative design that enables children to learn to drink from the side of a cup without any spills. It does require the drinker to suck the lip quite accurately but my toddler was drinking from it with no problems at all, and seemed fascinated that he could see the drink coming to his lips but it didn't spill out! I love this cup because it also allows older children to feel 'grown up' whilst giving parents peace of mind that their sofa and carpets aren't going to get stained by blackcurrant juice!

The Haberman Baby AnywayUp Cups have received the prestigious Gold Award from Loved By Children, and I personally cannot recommend them highly enough as they have made meal times and snack times more fun for my children and also enabled me to be a little less paranoid about spillages. Check out the website for more information!

R xx

Disclosure - we were sent these Haberman Baby products for the purpose of this review and all views are our own.