If someone had told me what motherhood was really like I wonder if I would have gone through with it.
Now don't get me wrong, I adore my sons and I would not part with them for all the world, however I don't think I was entirely prepared for parenting. I am not talking about the sleepless nights associated with newborns, or even the challenging tantrums that lasted way beyond the terrible twos, I am in fact talking about the huge heart wrenching responsibility of raising a little life.
My heart swells with pride whenever I think about my boys, they are both so individual and their smiles simply light up my day. Their personalities are so different yet so complimentary, and I love how they approach life so differently. The thought that my words and actions will mould them into the men they become is more than a little daunting, and I reminded daily of how much I need to teach and invest in myself in order to do the same for them.
More than this though, I realise that it is outside influences that can have the greatest impact on and be the greatest threat to my children. When I look at them together, playing so innocently with no realisation about the atrocities committed across our city never mind our world, the fear I have for their safety, their happiness and their future in a somewhat hostile world just overwhelms me. I know that we are privileged to live in a civilised, democratic and relatively safe world, however the news tells a very different story with rapes, murders and most recently the horrific beheading of innocent victims from IS extremists being reported on a daily basis.
As a mother all I want to do is protect my children. My job is to love them, care for them, teach them and ultimately make everything okay, and I can deal with bad mouthed bullies or bumps and bruises, but how do I counteract the cowardly acts of criminals who seek to hurt and destroy?
I yearn to offer my children the fun and freedom that I enjoyed as a child, so that they can learn and grow in the same way that I did, but I fear that this will never happen as the world we live in now has changed so much since the eighties and nineties. Where I was allowed to play out all day every day in the holidays, I know that no matter how street savvy my sons are, I would massively struggle with them playing out alone in our street much less away from home unaccompanied. Of course, there will come a day when I have to let them go, and trust that the education that we as parents and that given by our church and the boy's school will stand them in good stead to keep safe while out and about.
I pray for the safety of both my sons daily, not only that they would be physically safe and unharmed as they go about their day at school and at home, but also that they would be spiritually and emotionally protected, that they would guard their hearts and minds. The Bible says in Jeremiah 29:11 that God has plans to prosper us and not to harm us, plans to give us a hope and a future, so as Dave and I keep sowing the seeds of God's word into our family life, I trust that this truth will prevail as my handsome boy's become grown men and find their own way through this life.
Knowing how fast they grow up, this mommy is going to enjoy every precious moment with the undivided attention of my young charges, so that I can invest into their lives, influence them and help them to make good life choices.
Meanwhile I am happy to stick to supervised park play dates and having friends round to stay
R
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