Learning to let go

As a child I always loved September, the excitement of heading in on to school on the first day of term with new shoes, new stationery and a new bag to show off to all my friends. They say that your school years are the best years of your life, and despite the odd issue with bullying from time to time I couldn't agree more with that statement. I almost envy the young fresh faced children skipping excitedly to school, without a care in the world. Oh how lovely not to have to worry about pressures at work or getting the bills paid!

This September is an extra special one for me, as my 4 year old son starts school. I can hardly believe that this has come around so fast, it feels like only yesterday that I brought him home from hospital. I used to spend hours staring in amazement at this tiny bundle that I was cradling in my arms, back then I thought that we had forever stretched out in front of us, but already my baby boy is running ahead into his future.

I am so thankful for his gregarious nature and fierce independence, he delights in making new friends and is so confident even in new surroundings. However this independence tugged on my heart as my little boy bounded into his new class with out turning to see his momma desperately hoping for a cuddle whilst she controlled her overflowing emotions.

Despite knowing that my little boy was totally ready for school, I am suddenly aware that perhaps I am not. Although his endless energy leaves me exasperated at times, I realise just how much of a companion he has become over the last four and a half years and the thought of not sharing each and every moment of his day fills me with an overwhelming sadness. I feel like I am letting him go, I would never allow a complete stranger to babysit my child any other time, so why would I let two have control of him for a whole day? Of course I understand that school is safe environment and I have met (and really like) my son's teacher, I just can't bear the thought that I will not witness many of his achievements and milestones first hand from now on.

My son is my pride and joy, his positive and fearless nature inspires me and I know that he will thrive in school, learning new skills and making new friends. I pray that he would grow up to be a kind and generous man of God just like his Daddy, but before I wish away the next fifteen years I am content to watch my little school boy take his first steps into the big wide world on his own. Don't grow up too fast my boy, stay and rest a little while longer before you fly off on the big adventure of life.