They are what YOU speak...

I am so sick of hearing the phrase 'He is a bad boy' or 'She is naughty girl'.

Now, as a mother of particularly boisterous boys, who have been more than a little challenging at times, I am only too aware that sometimes our children do misbehave. But I have learnt (the hard way) that confirming negative behaviour to a child will only entrench the behaviour even deeper, as they start to believe what they are told about themselves.

Children are NOT bad. They are not NAUGHTY. Their behaviour is not malicious and is not a personal attack on you or others around you. Children are tiny human beings who are learning what is right and wrong and are pushing the boundaries socially and physically to discover what is OK, what is acceptable. And yes, at times they will make the wrong choice. They will choose to snatch that toy, to push that child, to hit that parent or answer back in the middle of the playground. These choices and the resulting behaviour exhibited is naughty, not the child, and I would encourage any parent, guardian or carer, myself included, to isolate the behaviour and condemn this not the child in question.

Furthermore, if it is not your child exhibiting the behaviour, stop before you judge them or pass comment; that little boy lashing out may be struggling with separation from a father who left his mother six weeks ago, that little girl may have a poorly sibling who is requiring all mom and dad's attention so she is acting out to get noticed by someone.

Our words have more power than we could ever realise. The Bible tells us that our words have the power to destroy and the power to save lives (Proverbs 12:6) and for anyone who has ever been criticised, put down or gossiped about, you will know that words can wound deeper than any sword. When someone casts a careless comment to a child, saying 'You are a naughty girl', 'Why do you do that? What's wrong with you?' 'He is a nasty piece of work', they are speaking into their little, impressionable minds, into their soft vulnerable hearts and dealing them the most hurtful blow that can stay with them for the rest of their lives.

Having done The Five Love Languages, I am aware that my top love language is words of affirmation, so for me, words have a lasting effect that can have immeasurable repercussions on my emotional and mental well being. I remember harsh words spoken about me or to me from a very young age as if it were yesterday, and the comments still cause me to question my image, my ability or my talent some twenty five years later.

God spoke the world into being with his words and as we are made in His image, we are responsible for the words we speak out into and over others. Jesus himself said; "But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgement for every careless word they have spoken. For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned" Matthew 12:36-37

If you have guardianship or relationship with a child of any age, please, I urge you, be careful what you say to them, in front of them or around them. Children are like sponges that soak up all that flows in and around them, whether that is good or bad, positive or negative. Don't fill their heads with your own judgements, doubts, fears or frustrations. Make sure the words you speak into them are full of praise, encouragement and gentle love-filled discipline that will build your child into a strong, secure man or woman in the future.

R x

Naughty/Nice vs Nativity

I love Christmas, especially since having children as they sit in awe as we retell stories of Santa Clauses and Baby Jesus' birth.

The magic of Christmas is just so captivating, with lights, decorations, special services, parties and gifts. But can the idea of a mythical man giving gifts only to good boys and girls really sit alongside a belief in a Saviour who died for us because of a love so great regardless of our situation?

My faith in Jesus has been an integral part of my life for over a decade, and the Bible teaches that anyone who believes in Jesus can receive the greatest gift of all, salvation and eternity with Him in heaven despite not always being 'good'. Now this is not a get out of jail free card that enables us to live selfish, mean lives that don't bless others and honour God, but Jesus plainly taught that the grace of God was something given freely, not earned, which results in our heart response to follow Him and live for Him. 

I am not saying that Santa is bad, however the idea that 'works produce fruit' goes against my beliefs. Yes, I agree that good behaviour gets rewarded, yet how often do bad things happen to good people in the real world? Are we setting our children up for a fall by letting them believe that if they are good then things will always go their way? I don't think that allowing my children to believe in Santa is detrimental to their spiritual condition or mental condition for that matter, however, quite the opposite. The concept of Santa is giving gifts, however small, to celebrate Jesus' birth and lets face it, the first Christmas gifts were given to Jesus himself by the three Kings! If my boys want to believe in the magic of a jolly man who bears gifts to children across the world then I think it can only be a good thing to highlight the plight of those who are not as fortunate as ourselves and also encourage my boys to give gifts of their own.

Lets not get caught up in being 'super-spiritual', Jesus himself condemned the religious, legalistic Pharisees and commanded His disciples to simply love one another first and foremost. The Nativity will always be the focus for our family, but if using the Naughty/Nice list helps my boys to be that bit better behaved during the busy season while encouraging them to give to others too then that can only be a good thing in my eyes.