Where are you going?

Tonight I have a heavy heart after learning of the passing of a much loved member of our church. Although I did not know her personally, I know of her her battle with cancer and had the privilege of praying with her once. I know that this beautiful lady has been called home to the Saviour that she so adores, and she feels no pain, only peace and an immense joy that we can not comprehend. The tears streaming down my face are not for her death but for the loved ones she left behind, and I pray that our heavenly Father would scoop them up and hold them tight right now.

God reminded me tonight of the fragility of life, that like a flower that blooms in full technicolour but for a moment before quickly fading as the seasons pass. I started to think of all the things I, and my fellow mums should put in place should we ever be called home at a young age, such as our long overdue will that has been put aside amidst the busyness of moving house and raising two small boys.

Just as I was mentally thinking who I would want to have my most treasured possessions, I felt God say that the most treasured thing that anyone can own on the Earth is salvation. I know that I belong to God, Jesus has my heart because of what He did on the cross for me, and I am safe forever in the knowledge that should myself or my husband pass away we would be welcomed in to the arms of Jesus for eternity and would one day meet again.

As comforting as this thought is to me, a sense of panic and urgency came upon me as I thought of my loved ones who don't know Jesus yet. God spoke into my spirit and said if you are so willing to share the need to place your worldly goods in order with your family and friends, then why aren't you as fervent with their spiritual well being? Possessions and material items can be fought over long after we have gone, but our salvation cannot. We are either saved or we are not. Once we have died our souls cannot be bought back or prayed into heaven, we are called to make a response to Jesus whilst we are here on the Earth, not once we get to heaven's gates.

So where are you going? What do you believe? I don't profess to be any theologian, nor do I have all the answers, however I believe with my whole heart that Jesus is the Son of God, He died on the cross to save me from all my sin and He is now resurrected, alive and reigns with God in heaven. I believe that one day He will return to the Earth and make new all that is lost, broken and dead, and on that day all believers dead or alive will be raised up and given new bodies on a new Heaven and Earth.

I want to urge you to explore Christianity, join an Alpha course at Renewal Christian Centre or any church local to you and ask questions - the more difficult the better! Alpha teams are trained experts who can help you to understand who Jesus is, what He is about and try and answer your questions, no matter how big, small or 'ridiculous' they may seem to you. There is no obligation to become a Christian or join a church at the end, it is simply 12 two hour sessions where you can get fed a delicious dinner, meet new people, find out more about Jesus. 24 hours of your life. You may well spend more than that watching your favourite soap operas every week for a month, so what have you go to lose? It just might make the difference between the two destinations at the end of your life.

PND: Making It Through The Darkness

Anyone who has ever experienced post natal depression to any degree will know that recovery is not n overnight process. However I was not prepared to be struggling with it over three month post diagnosis. My personal experience of PND required Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors (SSRI) which I reluctantly took to get me back on track. Within weeks I felt like my old self again, of course there were many emotional low days, but on the whole I was so relieved to feel more in control. My husband has been a constant rock and provided me the best care and support I could have wished for. As my counsellor, lover, partner and best friend, his love and prayers carried me through even the darkest of days.

I struggled with the fact that I relied upon medication to overcome my depression as at the time I thought I should be relying upon God alone for my strength and healing. God quickly silenced my ridiculous ideas by reminding me that if I was sick I would go to hospital for medical intervention and this situation was no different. I thank God that He provides us with knowledge and medical science to alleviate and cure all manner of illnesses, including mental illness. 

I continued with my medication and slowly found my old self again, it felt like looking at your reflection through fogged tinted lenses and as the weeks went by the darkness lifted and the mist cleared.Finally I could see the fun loving, bubbly woman that I used to be. 

My husband regained his wife and my boys regained their mother and my confidence grew and grew so much that I started my own business, Rachel Edwards Writes. I have always regarded motherhood as my highest calling, something that I felt destined to do, however being a successful working business woman in my own right enables me to not only provide a better future for my children, but to to retain my independence and cultivate my creativity. I truly believe that I am a better mother for working and building a business in an industry I am passionate about; writing.

During the festive season and especially in the New Year, I began to do a bit of soul searching and felt that the time was coming to wean myself off the SSRI's. I felt great, and had even forgotten to take the tablets a few times with no detrimental effects, plus I knew that I didn't want to be on medication unless it was absolutely necessary. I prayed about it and felt that it was the right thing to do, but also gave myself the opportunity to go back on them if necessary. The first week off the meds was particularly tough, however I don't think that it has anything to do with the medication, but rather a spiritual battle.The enemy will use anything and everything he can to take you off guard, to make you feel like you can't do something, or that you will fail. He is the prince of lies and desperate to rob us of our joy at any given moment. For the first time in months I felt exposed, vulnerable, weak and scared. 

Looking back I realise this was the devil coming against me. My business was growing successfully and I was wholeheartedly serving God through the leadership team and worship team at Renewal Christian Centre, I was on fire for God and ready to take my relationship with Him to an even higher level. The devil knew this and did his damnedest to make sure I was not in a good place, he wanted to trample my dreams, make me doubt my recovery and my gifts and question my strength and my trust in God. What he didn't account for was the power of God within me. 

God reminded me how precious I am to him, how he only has plans for good, plans to make me prosper, plans to give me a hope and a future. Every time I have read my Bible in the past two weeks I have read about renewing your mind, and it only just occurred to me this morning that God is confirming to me that I am making the right decision in coming off my medication, that He will be my strength and my stay, and that I am changed by a new way of thinking, a transformed Christ-like mindset. Some of the many scriptures God has sown into my heart are below, and I cling to them knowing that He will continue to bring me through the completion of my recovery.

I raised you up for this very purpose, that I might display my power in you and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth.Romans 9:17 NIV

Carefully guard your thoughts because they are the source of true life Proverbs 4:23 CEV

Think the same way that Jesus thought Philippians 2:5 CEV

Let God change the way you think Romans 12:2 CEV

Be changed by a new way of thinking Romans 12:2 NIV

You dear children, are from God and have overcome..because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world 1 John 4 NIV

I am not saying that any sufferer of depression should abandon their medication. This decision is personal to me after several months of treatment, counselling and prayer, and my time scale may be very different to someone else's. What I would say to you if you are affected by depression or mental illness is that God loves you, He sent His son Jesus to die for you so that you could be set free from sickness and disease, and He will help you through the darkness and out the other side if you will only open your heart to Him. Whether you remain on medication for six months or six years is irrelevant, the only thing that is important is your salvation and security in Jesus. Let Him in, let Him transform you from the inside out, mind body and soul, and this all starts with giving Him your heart.