Living Life Through A Lens

Anyone who knows me well, will know that I am never far from my iPhone. That little white box that contains my calendars, emails and provides connections to the outside world no matter where I am and what I am doing. The invention of the smart phone has somewhat revolutionized most people's communication across the globe, and I am definitely no exception. A self confessed addict to social media sites and my beloved blog, I regularly post my comings and goings on twitter, instagram and facebook, and have done for many years.

However I was recently challenged by an interview I heard on UCB UK radio, where a band singer felt that the crowds were missing out by watching their entire tour performance through their phone camera lens. It got me thinking, how often do I capture moments of my life or my children's lives through a lens rather than just being in the moment? Granted, memories cannot be shared with loved ones who aren't present at the time, and instagram et al has enabled thousands of long distance friends and relatives to stay connected and not miss out on the milestones of family life. 

Whilst pondering this thought, I then went on to consider what I actually share.... do I share too much of my life online? By simply wearing my heart on my sleeve am I unwittingly exposing my family and myself to untold dangers? Do I really need to discuss or display our most intimate moments publicly or should they rather remain sacred and private to us as family unit? Does anyone really need to know that we are in Costa coffee, or the local park, or more recently in the hospital due to an unfortunate accident? A naturally outgoing person, I can all too easily allow my life thoughts and feelings to overflow into general conversation, and even more so in to the invisible online world of social media, much to my poor husbands disdain as he is very private. Having always considered him to perhaps be a little uptight, or just put it down to the fact that women like to share their thoughts and experiences whereas men keep their emotions to themselves, I was very shocked and humbled when God massively convicted me on my misinterpretation. Right now I feel like God is asking me to draw back in to my family and that we as a unit draw even closer to Him. 

As a family we feel called to serve God's kingdom through our church, and we know that in order to grow in our relationship with God and with each other we need to invest time and love into these relationships. By constantly putting Jesus at the centre of our family life, seeking first His kingdom then God will add to us all the things we need and the distractions of the world fall away as we fix our eyes on Him. God wants a relationship with us, and as we spend more and more time in His presence, learning His Word and living by His Spirit we will be transformed into His likeness.

I love social media, I think it is a powerful platform for businesses in the digital marketing era and a valuable tool for loved ones to stay connected. I  have made some truly wonderful friends on twitter and instagram, many of whom I have not and will probably never meet face to face, yet they impact my life on a daily basis. My online community is one that is very precious to me, however I am starting to realise the dangers and distractions of getting sucked into a virtual world when I have a very real God and Saviour who desires a deeper relationship with me. I spend so much time watching other peoples lives unfold on facebook and twitter that I sometimes forget to enjoy living my own. My children are so young, yet they will be grown up in the blink of an eye. I don't want their lasting childhood memories to be of a mother who was always there but never present, always stood with iPhone in hand during every achievement, every award, every milestone. 

I will continue using my social media avidly for both business and pleasure, however in the future I will have a very keen eye on how I am using my time to ensure that I invest the better part of it in my family and in getting to know Jesus on an even deeper level. Jesus said in John 10:10 I have come so that you may have life and live it to the full, I encourage each of you to put down the smart phone and do just that. 

R xx

PND: Making It Through The Darkness

Anyone who has ever experienced post natal depression to any degree will know that recovery is not n overnight process. However I was not prepared to be struggling with it over three month post diagnosis. My personal experience of PND required Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors (SSRI) which I reluctantly took to get me back on track. Within weeks I felt like my old self again, of course there were many emotional low days, but on the whole I was so relieved to feel more in control. My husband has been a constant rock and provided me the best care and support I could have wished for. As my counsellor, lover, partner and best friend, his love and prayers carried me through even the darkest of days.

I struggled with the fact that I relied upon medication to overcome my depression as at the time I thought I should be relying upon God alone for my strength and healing. God quickly silenced my ridiculous ideas by reminding me that if I was sick I would go to hospital for medical intervention and this situation was no different. I thank God that He provides us with knowledge and medical science to alleviate and cure all manner of illnesses, including mental illness. 

I continued with my medication and slowly found my old self again, it felt like looking at your reflection through fogged tinted lenses and as the weeks went by the darkness lifted and the mist cleared.Finally I could see the fun loving, bubbly woman that I used to be. 

My husband regained his wife and my boys regained their mother and my confidence grew and grew so much that I started my own business, Rachel Edwards Writes. I have always regarded motherhood as my highest calling, something that I felt destined to do, however being a successful working business woman in my own right enables me to not only provide a better future for my children, but to to retain my independence and cultivate my creativity. I truly believe that I am a better mother for working and building a business in an industry I am passionate about; writing.

During the festive season and especially in the New Year, I began to do a bit of soul searching and felt that the time was coming to wean myself off the SSRI's. I felt great, and had even forgotten to take the tablets a few times with no detrimental effects, plus I knew that I didn't want to be on medication unless it was absolutely necessary. I prayed about it and felt that it was the right thing to do, but also gave myself the opportunity to go back on them if necessary. The first week off the meds was particularly tough, however I don't think that it has anything to do with the medication, but rather a spiritual battle.The enemy will use anything and everything he can to take you off guard, to make you feel like you can't do something, or that you will fail. He is the prince of lies and desperate to rob us of our joy at any given moment. For the first time in months I felt exposed, vulnerable, weak and scared. 

Looking back I realise this was the devil coming against me. My business was growing successfully and I was wholeheartedly serving God through the leadership team and worship team at Renewal Christian Centre, I was on fire for God and ready to take my relationship with Him to an even higher level. The devil knew this and did his damnedest to make sure I was not in a good place, he wanted to trample my dreams, make me doubt my recovery and my gifts and question my strength and my trust in God. What he didn't account for was the power of God within me. 

God reminded me how precious I am to him, how he only has plans for good, plans to make me prosper, plans to give me a hope and a future. Every time I have read my Bible in the past two weeks I have read about renewing your mind, and it only just occurred to me this morning that God is confirming to me that I am making the right decision in coming off my medication, that He will be my strength and my stay, and that I am changed by a new way of thinking, a transformed Christ-like mindset. Some of the many scriptures God has sown into my heart are below, and I cling to them knowing that He will continue to bring me through the completion of my recovery.

I raised you up for this very purpose, that I might display my power in you and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth.Romans 9:17 NIV

Carefully guard your thoughts because they are the source of true life Proverbs 4:23 CEV

Think the same way that Jesus thought Philippians 2:5 CEV

Let God change the way you think Romans 12:2 CEV

Be changed by a new way of thinking Romans 12:2 NIV

You dear children, are from God and have overcome..because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world 1 John 4 NIV

I am not saying that any sufferer of depression should abandon their medication. This decision is personal to me after several months of treatment, counselling and prayer, and my time scale may be very different to someone else's. What I would say to you if you are affected by depression or mental illness is that God loves you, He sent His son Jesus to die for you so that you could be set free from sickness and disease, and He will help you through the darkness and out the other side if you will only open your heart to Him. Whether you remain on medication for six months or six years is irrelevant, the only thing that is important is your salvation and security in Jesus. Let Him in, let Him transform you from the inside out, mind body and soul, and this all starts with giving Him your heart.

2013 What A Year It Has Been! New Baby, New House, New Business

So here I am, sat in a completely packed Starbucks in the Birmingham Bullring on 30^th December, with soy latte in hand and I am ready to write my last blog of 2013.

OK, so to be honest, my blog writing has been pretty much non existent this year on account of me learning to juggle being a mother of two combined with a busy church life, a writing career, a lively 3 year old and moving house. Our second son Isaac was born on 1^st March 2013, and he has been a complete blessing, such a contented happy baby who loves to be snuggled much to my delight. However I wasn't expecting my new arrival to come with additional extras in the form of post natal depression, and although I realised very quickly after the birth that something was wrong, I did not get formally diagnosed until Isaac was four months old.

During this time, I celebrated my thirtieth birthday with my family and we moved house to a new area in order to be closer to our preferred schools for Aaron, who will start reception next September. Our new home is lovely and our neighbours are wonderful, but while I busied myself with setting up each room my heart ached with loneliness and a darkness that I could not shake off. The PND diagnosis was a welcome relief, and I instantly felt better just knowing that I wasn't actually going mad and that I did genuinely have an illness that could be treated. Acknowledging the problem felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders, and the medication quickly helped to balance me out. Isaac is now 10 months old and I feel back to my old self again, and am thoroughly enjoying every minute of raising my two beautiful boys.

September saw me fully launch my freelance writing career and I am absolutely overjoyed to be able to use my creative skills in this way. Writing has long been a passion of mine, and whether it is a journalistic piece, a product review or a short fictional story, I find such pleasure in the written word and making sense of sentences. This was also the month that I rejoined the worship team at Renewal Christian Centre, where my husband and I are members. We love Jesus and it is an honour to be part of and serve such a lively vibrant church, and I count it as the highest privilege to lead people in worship here. There are so many new developments in the pipeline for 2014 we can't wait to see people's hearts touched and lives changed at Renewal in the coming months.

So what's next for me? I am continuing with my writing and plan to build on the foundations I have already laid down, I am blessed to be able to work around my children and spend as much time as I can with them while they are so young. I also enjoy taking and distributing Herbalife nutritional products to keep me fit and healthy and helping my clients do the same.

I want to focus on deepening my relationship with God and enriching my marriage to my best friend this year, time flies by so very fast and I don't want to waste a moment by being distracted with unnecessary things. My God and my family are the most important things in the world to me, and with them by my side I know I can't go far wrong. I plan to write more for 'me' too this year, in the form of this blog, as I find writing down my thoughts so therapeutic, plus reading other peoples blogs gives me such inspiration and I hope mine can do the same. Jesus was the ultimate storyteller, using words and parables to reach thousands of people where they were at, and I would love to think that maybe one day my writing can reach out to others who can relate to my experiences. I pray that each and every reader will have a blessed, prosperous and peaceful 2014!  

Parenting by the Book....

After a snowfilled family weekend, we went to church as normal today and our Pastor Dave Carr is teaching an awesome new series on Defeating the Seven Deadly Sins. Today's sermon was about anger and temper and it really spoke to me as a parent and challenged me to rethink my attitude and behaviour when dealing with a strong willed tantrum filled toddler! You can download the sermon for free via podcast from the website www.renewalcc.com and I urge you to please listen to it, but I wanted to share what I learned from it personally, I hope it will bless you as much as it has me!

7 Deadly Sins - Anger and Temper (my notes from today's sermon)

He who loses the temper has lost the fight.

Temper is the habit of the mind, an outburst of anger, feeling of displeasure. Jesus and God got angry in the bible and anger itself is not a sin, but reacting by losing your temper is.

Ephesians 4:26 says don't let the sun go down on your anger - you can be angry but don't sin by lashing out verbally or physically and always deal with the anger and bitterness before you sleep on it.

If what we say does not build someone or something up then we shouldn't speak it out. As Christians we are called to take off our old self - with our bad tempers, poor habits and past failings and put on our new self, through Jesus who died for us.

Ephesians 4:17 the problem is not in our spirit it is in our minds. It is a habit of the mind that you must CHANGE.

1. We need to realise that anger does not become justified by the circumstance.

Regardless if its the twentieth time that I have told my son not to do something and he purposefully does it anyway, does that justify me losing my temper and getting cross?

2. Our reaction to the circumstance is about who we are not what the circumstance is.

As an adult and a parent I am called to be a role model to my child and show him how to deal with emotions and situations in a Christ like manner- not model a 'do as I say not as I do' parenting style...

3. Never try to justify our actions by comparing to others.

So what if other moms use different parenting methods to me; their child is an individual who will require a different approach to my child. There is no harm in discussing and researching parenting methods but I mustn't compare myself or my child but prayerfully do what is right in the eyes of God.

4. Appreciate and appropriate grace.

Jesus died for me and forgave my sins which are way worse than anything my child may have done to upset me that day, surely I ought to forgive as I have been forgiven only even quicker rather than allow myself to get so angry and upset by his behaviour?

5. Put off our reactionary attitude.

Don't react! If I feel tired and fractious take time out for myself and count to ten... Don't automatically raise my voice to deal with a situation, but remain calm and consistent. My son needs a stable parent to rely on while he deals with the emotions and hormones of growing up, not one who flies of the handle.

6. Replace anger and intolerance with the gifts of the spirit - love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self control.

There is so much more in the sermon but this really spoke to my heart as a mom struggling to deal with the terrible twos/threes.... So with this in mind and my heart well and truly challenged I will be approaching my beautiful son very differently in the future to help shape him into the strong man of God he is destined to be :)