Soul searching and song writing

When I was a little girl I loved to write.

Whether it was a story, a poem or a song, I loved nothing more then getting my thoughts on to paper, and I would spend hours writing on reams of paper. I especially loved songwriting and was bought my first guitar around the age of 11. I never had official lessons, but taught myself general chords and was soon strumming away to my very own songs. 

My memories of writing music are all centred around my nan. It was my nan who bought my first guitar and it was in my bedroom in her house where I would sit cross legged on my bed, pen in mouth playing with chords whilst watching the birds hopping around in the trees outside my window. My nan was a big fan of country music and my sister and I would spend many happy hours playing her Dolly Parton vinyls, making up our own dance routines and putting on a show for our long suffering family members. 

When my nan died, so did a big part of me. I was incredibly close to her, and as a 14 year old girl I wasn't ready to handle impending adulthood without her and consequently lost my way a little shortly after. Music remained dear to me, so much so that my guitar joined me on my journeys to university and then on to my adventures in London as a trainee veterinary nurse. However, I somehow forgot to take it away with me when I finally left London, and with it I left my dreams of writing music and expressing my emotions through song. 

I later rediscovered this love when I became a Christian and first experienced worship music. The ability to express my love for a God that so loved me opened my eyes to a whole new level of singing and songwriting, and I eventually joined the worship band in my church.

I have toyed with the idea of getting another guitar many many times, but had recently stepped down from worship to concentrate on pastoral care in our church so it has gone off the radar. Then I discovered Nashville season 1 on SkyGo TV Boxsets and reignited my passion to get a guitar and get writing.

Do I think I will play my songs for others? Probably not. Yes, I can sing but a lot of the songs that I wrote were personal and I have always considered them to be more of a therapy for me than a performance for others. That said, if God wanted to use me or them for His glory who am I to argue? So I am officially looking for a new set of strings to get me back into the swing of singing again, and I am so looking forward to rediscovering myself and getting even closer to God in the process. 

R x

Whose flag are you flying?

Unless you have been living under a rock for the past few weeks you will be only too aware of the World Cup mania that has spread across the globe. 

Picture credit: www.itv.com/news/anglia/

As usual, England goes all out with indulgent extravagant displays of patriotism, and football fans up and down the country are proudly wearing the three lions on their chest whilst driving cars adorned with the flag of St George.

I am no football fan unfortunately, and although not against the 'beautiful game' in anyway, I am slightly ashamed to say that England's performance in the World Cup will have no affect on me whatsoever. 

Yet I am in awe of the cross adorned homes that have flags billowing from every window, the hundreds of thousands who will go to every effort to ensure that they see the match live in full technicolour glory on their recently upgraded plasma screen TV, and even more so those that have sacrificed work and family to travel to Brazil and see the events unfold. 

These individuals are enthusiastic, passionate, and all consumed by their love of football. So devoted to their cause and so proud of who they represent, football fans across the UK are standing proud and shouting their allegiance to their faithful England team for all the world to hear. The level of engagement and unity of a body of people from all walks of life is truly remarkable, and is one that the church should emulate, and this got me thinking;

Whose flag am I flying?

Do people around me know who I represent? Who I am passionate and extravagant about? Do they know that I love and live for Jesus? That I worship the Lord and Saviour with my whole heart, that He has healed me and my family, provided for us and protected us over and over again?

Would I display a flag proclaiming my faith in the one who created the Heavens and the Earth as proudly as the England fans display their faith in eleven men on a pitch?

I would like to think the answer is yes, that my faith is so demonstrable in my daily life that I carry it like a banner wherever I go, not to shove it in people's faces but to make a declaration; I am in this body of people, the body of Christ and I am both humbled and proud to be a part of it. 

My hope is that my life could be a daily display of extravagant surrender and worship to the King of Kings who loves me so extravagantly that He gave His life for me, and I pray that I would never lose sight of how precious this gift available to every one of us truly is.

Come and rest here.....

Come and rest here......come and lay your burdens down.

The lyrics to Kari Jobe's song 'Here' beckons me to stop, press the pause button on my life and simply be in the presence of God. In a world where we are so crazy busy with appointments, school runs, day jobs, sports and social lives in can seem impossible to fit God in to our lives, especially when we feel like we are being pulled in every direction at once.

Yet that is just what He wants - God desires a relationship with us, not a fast five minute prayer each night before we drift off to sleep, but all of us, all of the time. Colossians 3:23 says 'Do everything as if you are doing it to the Lord', and that means how we rise each day, how we greet our family over coffee in the morning, how we conducts ourselves on the morning commute, how we perform our daily tasks, everything. God wants to be part of our lives, He wants to share the mundane, the little intricacies of our lives that no one else knows because we deem it to be too unimportant to share. God wants to be in that passing thought, that fleeting moment, so that He can reveal Himself to us in a way that we have never experienced before.

In order for God to come in we have to let down our guard, take down the defences and open our hearts to him, warts and all. We need to shake off the shackles of sin, shame and guilt and know in our deepest innermost place that God loves us completely, utterly and totally, just as we are in that exact moment. God doesn't want perfect people, He knew we could never get it right 100% of the time, that is why He sent Jesus. All God needs us to do is to accept Him, accept Jesus, and willingly invite them into our hearts and lives and they will do the rest.

As I listen to this song tonight, I am reminded just how much my God loves me, enough to send my saviour Jesus Christ to die for me. That I am so precious to Him, that he couldn't bear to see me lost forever, but rather He chose to reach out His hand and touch my life that I might be changed forever instead. It has been 10 years this year since I first made the decision to follow Jesus and trust Him with my life, and I have never looked back. Yes there have been tough times, but God has held my hand every step of the way, and the blessings poured back out from heaven have been overwhelming.

This last decade has provided some of the most transformational, defining years of my life, years where I grew to know and love a Saviour who loves me, years where I grew as a woman, becoming more confident in who I am and why I am here, years where I met my lover and soul mate, David Edwards and became his proud wife and mother of his two children.

I am blessed beyond measure, and it is all because I first stopped, and listened to that still small voice ten years ago. My prayer is that I will never stop listening, never stop taking time out to be still and know that He is God, to spend precious time in the presence of the the Lord, being restored, sanctified, healed and embraced by my heavenly father. If you don't know Jesus today, don't wait another moment, invite him in and He will change your life for the better. I would love to pray for you if you make that decision today, otherwise get in touch with your local church who will support you through the early stages of getting to know Jesus and becoming a Christian through valuable resources like Alpha.

God bless you

R xx

2013 What A Year It Has Been! New Baby, New House, New Business

So here I am, sat in a completely packed Starbucks in the Birmingham Bullring on 30^th December, with soy latte in hand and I am ready to write my last blog of 2013.

OK, so to be honest, my blog writing has been pretty much non existent this year on account of me learning to juggle being a mother of two combined with a busy church life, a writing career, a lively 3 year old and moving house. Our second son Isaac was born on 1^st March 2013, and he has been a complete blessing, such a contented happy baby who loves to be snuggled much to my delight. However I wasn't expecting my new arrival to come with additional extras in the form of post natal depression, and although I realised very quickly after the birth that something was wrong, I did not get formally diagnosed until Isaac was four months old.

During this time, I celebrated my thirtieth birthday with my family and we moved house to a new area in order to be closer to our preferred schools for Aaron, who will start reception next September. Our new home is lovely and our neighbours are wonderful, but while I busied myself with setting up each room my heart ached with loneliness and a darkness that I could not shake off. The PND diagnosis was a welcome relief, and I instantly felt better just knowing that I wasn't actually going mad and that I did genuinely have an illness that could be treated. Acknowledging the problem felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders, and the medication quickly helped to balance me out. Isaac is now 10 months old and I feel back to my old self again, and am thoroughly enjoying every minute of raising my two beautiful boys.

September saw me fully launch my freelance writing career and I am absolutely overjoyed to be able to use my creative skills in this way. Writing has long been a passion of mine, and whether it is a journalistic piece, a product review or a short fictional story, I find such pleasure in the written word and making sense of sentences. This was also the month that I rejoined the worship team at Renewal Christian Centre, where my husband and I are members. We love Jesus and it is an honour to be part of and serve such a lively vibrant church, and I count it as the highest privilege to lead people in worship here. There are so many new developments in the pipeline for 2014 we can't wait to see people's hearts touched and lives changed at Renewal in the coming months.

So what's next for me? I am continuing with my writing and plan to build on the foundations I have already laid down, I am blessed to be able to work around my children and spend as much time as I can with them while they are so young. I also enjoy taking and distributing Herbalife nutritional products to keep me fit and healthy and helping my clients do the same.

I want to focus on deepening my relationship with God and enriching my marriage to my best friend this year, time flies by so very fast and I don't want to waste a moment by being distracted with unnecessary things. My God and my family are the most important things in the world to me, and with them by my side I know I can't go far wrong. I plan to write more for 'me' too this year, in the form of this blog, as I find writing down my thoughts so therapeutic, plus reading other peoples blogs gives me such inspiration and I hope mine can do the same. Jesus was the ultimate storyteller, using words and parables to reach thousands of people where they were at, and I would love to think that maybe one day my writing can reach out to others who can relate to my experiences. I pray that each and every reader will have a blessed, prosperous and peaceful 2014!  

So we are having a baby this year....!

Happy New Year everyone! We had a truly amazing Christmas celebrating Jesus's birth with friends and family near and far, we enjoyed singing carols, playing lots of board games, walks in the park and far too much chocolate :) We stayed local this year having lunch at my parents after church on Christmas Day then Dave's parents stayed from Boxing Day onwards then we enjoyed birthday and New Year celebrations with our lovely friends twin boys.

But now the decorations are down and it's back to work and nursery (or start of maternity leave for me!!) I am now 32 weeks pregnant and on the official final countdown to our second sons arrival. This also marks the start of my stepping down from the worship team and choir until after the birth as a) I can't stand for long periods of time and b) there is increasingly less room for my diaphragm to flatten therefore I can't reach the notes I used to and also get out of breath quickly! Will miss it :(

We are so excited that we finally meet our newest addition in a matter of weeks and we are getting all the final preparations underway....washing Aaron's baby clothes, cloth nappies and bedding, fishing out and cleaning the car seat and building the crib and packing the all important hospital bags!

Plus the all important comforter has finally been chosen today by Aaron... He has had a Disney 'Roo' bear since birth and he and Roo are inseparable three years on so we knew we wanted the baby to have one of his own so we are proud to introduce you to 'Blu' bear!

The impending arrival also means that I need to crack on with finishing my crochet blanket for the baby....only two stripes left to go in my pattern! Can't believe how long this blanket had taken me, but I have genuinely loved making this little item to wrap our new bundle up in, even if it won't last him much past 12 months... I can always add rows on later if necessary right...?