Are we ever really ready for parenthood?

If someone had told me what motherhood was really like I wonder if I would have gone through with it. 

Now don't get me wrong,  I adore my sons and I would not part with them for all the world, however I don't think I was entirely prepared for parenting. I am not talking about the sleepless nights associated with newborns,  or even the challenging tantrums that lasted way beyond the terrible twos, I am in fact talking about the huge heart wrenching responsibility of raising a little life.

My heart swells with pride whenever I think about my boys,  they are both so individual and their smiles simply light up my day. Their personalities are so different yet so complimentary, and I love how they approach life so differently. The thought that my words and actions will mould them into the men they become is more than a little daunting, and I reminded daily of how much I need to teach and invest in myself in order to do the same for them.

More than this though, I realise that it is outside influences that can have the greatest impact on and be the greatest threat to my children. When I look at them together, playing so innocently with no realisation about the atrocities committed across our city never mind our world, the fear I have for their safety, their happiness and their future in a somewhat hostile world just overwhelms me. I know that we are privileged to live in a civilised, democratic and relatively safe world, however the news tells a very different story with rapes, murders and most recently the horrific beheading of innocent victims from IS extremists being reported on a daily basis.

As a mother all I want to do is protect my children. My job is to love them, care for them, teach them and ultimately make everything okay, and I can deal with bad mouthed bullies or bumps and bruises, but how do I counteract the cowardly acts of criminals who seek to hurt and destroy?

I yearn to offer my children the fun and freedom that I enjoyed as a child, so that they can learn and grow in the same way that I did, but I fear that this will never happen as the world we live in now has changed so much since the eighties and nineties. Where I was allowed to play out all day every day in the holidays, I know that no matter how street savvy my sons are, I would massively struggle with them playing out alone in our street much less away from home unaccompanied. Of course,  there will come a day when I have to let them go, and trust that the education that we as parents and that given by our church and the boy's school will stand them in good stead to keep safe while out and about.

I pray for the safety of both my sons daily,  not only that they would be physically safe and unharmed as they go about their day at school and at home, but also that they would be spiritually and emotionally protected, that they would guard their hearts and minds. The Bible says in Jeremiah 29:11 that God has plans to prosper us and not to harm us, plans to give us a hope and a future, so as Dave and I keep sowing the seeds of God's word into our family life, I trust that this truth will prevail as my handsome boy's become grown men and find their own way through this life.

Knowing how fast they grow up, this mommy is going to enjoy every precious moment with the undivided attention of my young charges, so that I can invest into their lives, influence them and help them to make good life choices.

Meanwhile I am happy to stick to supervised park play dates and having friends round to stay

R

MAD Blog Awards 2014

What a weekend! On Friday I went to my first ever MAD Blog Awards and all I can say is wow!! I was fortunate enough to win tickets to the awards in a competition just over a week ago, and since then have been frantically sorting out train tickets and cocktail dresses ready for the big night out. There are some seriously talented bloggers on the world wide web, and it was such a privilege to finally meet some of the UK's best Mummy and Daddy bloggers in person at the MADs.

I was a little apprehensive about travelling all the way down to London form Birmingham on my own, but I needn't have worried because as soon as I had entered the Palace Suite at the prestigious Royal Garden Hotel I was instantly put at ease and welcomed by fellow bloggers. Having been an avid fan of twitter for years, it was so lovely to put a face to the name of some of my favourite bloggers such as Katie from Mummy Daddy and Me and Morgana from But Why Mummy Why, plus I made lots of new friends amongst the fabulous finalists including thrifty lady Jennifer from My Mummy's Pennies, Lucy from London Bird Lucy, Grace from Eats Amazing and Katy from What Katy Said UK.

The venue was amazing, I felt like a VIP having my photograph taken on entry with some gorgeous girlies, then it was into the foyer for bubbles, nibbles and a spot of networking. There was a giant sized Operation game in honour of our host for the evening Dr Ranj and a giant Pikachu doing the rounds for some fun photo opportunities!

Once in the awards ceremony hall itself we were greeted by elegant candlelit tables and impeccable service by the waiting staff who rapidly brought us some truly exquisite dishes. The handsome Dr Ranj kept us all entertained all evening and the awards themselves were great fun and highlighted some of the extraoridnary stories of the mum and dad bloggers in each category. It was wonderful to hear the great fundraising and awareness campaigns that have been started by so many bloggers.

Finally we finished up with a huge goody bag filled with all sorts of treats from brioche loaves to baby cream and - my personal favourite - the handmade baking chocolate buttons! Sadly I had to leave before the end of the awards as my train was leaving from Euston at 11.30pm, but I left buzzing with ideas for my blog (hence the new name!!) and hope that with a bit of hard work I might one day make it back to the awards as a finalist myself.

Finally I have got to say a huge thank you go Sally Whittle and her team for organising such a superb event from start to finish! Thank you for having me, see you again soon!

R

Too excited to sleep! Mummy's, Daddy's and MAD Blog Awards...

So tomorrow I will be attending my first ever MAD Blog Awards and to say I am a tad excited would be an understatement! Having won the tickets to attend only a week or so ago it has been all systems go to organise travel to London and back in a day,  childcare and not to mention the small matter or finding an outfit to wear!

I am thrilled to be able to finally meet some of the fabulous bloggers that I have been following for the last 3 or 4 years, and know that I am going to return home brimming with ideas and inspiration to take my parenting and  lifestyle blog to the next level. Tickets are booked, dress, bag (yes, an actual handbag not a changing bag!) and heels are all carefully laid out to wear and my brand new Samsung Galaxy is charged ready for some serious note taking and networking. I will be hopefully capturing my adventures on instagram too so look out for some pics tomorrow evening!

Right then... off to bed as it's going to be a late finish tomorrow 😉

R

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Learning to let go

As a child I always loved September, the excitement of heading in on to school on the first day of term with new shoes, new stationery and a new bag to show off to all my friends. They say that your school years are the best years of your life, and despite the odd issue with bullying from time to time I couldn't agree more with that statement. I almost envy the young fresh faced children skipping excitedly to school, without a care in the world. Oh how lovely not to have to worry about pressures at work or getting the bills paid!

This September is an extra special one for me, as my 4 year old son starts school. I can hardly believe that this has come around so fast, it feels like only yesterday that I brought him home from hospital. I used to spend hours staring in amazement at this tiny bundle that I was cradling in my arms, back then I thought that we had forever stretched out in front of us, but already my baby boy is running ahead into his future.

I am so thankful for his gregarious nature and fierce independence, he delights in making new friends and is so confident even in new surroundings. However this independence tugged on my heart as my little boy bounded into his new class with out turning to see his momma desperately hoping for a cuddle whilst she controlled her overflowing emotions.

Despite knowing that my little boy was totally ready for school, I am suddenly aware that perhaps I am not. Although his endless energy leaves me exasperated at times, I realise just how much of a companion he has become over the last four and a half years and the thought of not sharing each and every moment of his day fills me with an overwhelming sadness. I feel like I am letting him go, I would never allow a complete stranger to babysit my child any other time, so why would I let two have control of him for a whole day? Of course I understand that school is safe environment and I have met (and really like) my son's teacher, I just can't bear the thought that I will not witness many of his achievements and milestones first hand from now on.

My son is my pride and joy, his positive and fearless nature inspires me and I know that he will thrive in school, learning new skills and making new friends. I pray that he would grow up to be a kind and generous man of God just like his Daddy, but before I wish away the next fifteen years I am content to watch my little school boy take his first steps into the big wide world on his own. Don't grow up too fast my boy, stay and rest a little while longer before you fly off on the big adventure of life.

Whose flag are you flying?

Unless you have been living under a rock for the past few weeks you will be only too aware of the World Cup mania that has spread across the globe. 

Picture credit: www.itv.com/news/anglia/

As usual, England goes all out with indulgent extravagant displays of patriotism, and football fans up and down the country are proudly wearing the three lions on their chest whilst driving cars adorned with the flag of St George.

I am no football fan unfortunately, and although not against the 'beautiful game' in anyway, I am slightly ashamed to say that England's performance in the World Cup will have no affect on me whatsoever. 

Yet I am in awe of the cross adorned homes that have flags billowing from every window, the hundreds of thousands who will go to every effort to ensure that they see the match live in full technicolour glory on their recently upgraded plasma screen TV, and even more so those that have sacrificed work and family to travel to Brazil and see the events unfold. 

These individuals are enthusiastic, passionate, and all consumed by their love of football. So devoted to their cause and so proud of who they represent, football fans across the UK are standing proud and shouting their allegiance to their faithful England team for all the world to hear. The level of engagement and unity of a body of people from all walks of life is truly remarkable, and is one that the church should emulate, and this got me thinking;

Whose flag am I flying?

Do people around me know who I represent? Who I am passionate and extravagant about? Do they know that I love and live for Jesus? That I worship the Lord and Saviour with my whole heart, that He has healed me and my family, provided for us and protected us over and over again?

Would I display a flag proclaiming my faith in the one who created the Heavens and the Earth as proudly as the England fans display their faith in eleven men on a pitch?

I would like to think the answer is yes, that my faith is so demonstrable in my daily life that I carry it like a banner wherever I go, not to shove it in people's faces but to make a declaration; I am in this body of people, the body of Christ and I am both humbled and proud to be a part of it. 

My hope is that my life could be a daily display of extravagant surrender and worship to the King of Kings who loves me so extravagantly that He gave His life for me, and I pray that I would never lose sight of how precious this gift available to every one of us truly is.

Where are you going?

Tonight I have a heavy heart after learning of the passing of a much loved member of our church. Although I did not know her personally, I know of her her battle with cancer and had the privilege of praying with her once. I know that this beautiful lady has been called home to the Saviour that she so adores, and she feels no pain, only peace and an immense joy that we can not comprehend. The tears streaming down my face are not for her death but for the loved ones she left behind, and I pray that our heavenly Father would scoop them up and hold them tight right now.

God reminded me tonight of the fragility of life, that like a flower that blooms in full technicolour but for a moment before quickly fading as the seasons pass. I started to think of all the things I, and my fellow mums should put in place should we ever be called home at a young age, such as our long overdue will that has been put aside amidst the busyness of moving house and raising two small boys.

Just as I was mentally thinking who I would want to have my most treasured possessions, I felt God say that the most treasured thing that anyone can own on the Earth is salvation. I know that I belong to God, Jesus has my heart because of what He did on the cross for me, and I am safe forever in the knowledge that should myself or my husband pass away we would be welcomed in to the arms of Jesus for eternity and would one day meet again.

As comforting as this thought is to me, a sense of panic and urgency came upon me as I thought of my loved ones who don't know Jesus yet. God spoke into my spirit and said if you are so willing to share the need to place your worldly goods in order with your family and friends, then why aren't you as fervent with their spiritual well being? Possessions and material items can be fought over long after we have gone, but our salvation cannot. We are either saved or we are not. Once we have died our souls cannot be bought back or prayed into heaven, we are called to make a response to Jesus whilst we are here on the Earth, not once we get to heaven's gates.

So where are you going? What do you believe? I don't profess to be any theologian, nor do I have all the answers, however I believe with my whole heart that Jesus is the Son of God, He died on the cross to save me from all my sin and He is now resurrected, alive and reigns with God in heaven. I believe that one day He will return to the Earth and make new all that is lost, broken and dead, and on that day all believers dead or alive will be raised up and given new bodies on a new Heaven and Earth.

I want to urge you to explore Christianity, join an Alpha course at Renewal Christian Centre or any church local to you and ask questions - the more difficult the better! Alpha teams are trained experts who can help you to understand who Jesus is, what He is about and try and answer your questions, no matter how big, small or 'ridiculous' they may seem to you. There is no obligation to become a Christian or join a church at the end, it is simply 12 two hour sessions where you can get fed a delicious dinner, meet new people, find out more about Jesus. 24 hours of your life. You may well spend more than that watching your favourite soap operas every week for a month, so what have you go to lose? It just might make the difference between the two destinations at the end of your life.

Bad Mommy Blog

So as I attempt to cook dinner for the third time in thirty minutes I am faced with a barrage of insults from my usually sweet and angelic son who is sat on time out, also for the third time in thirty minutes.  I am aware that he is very hungry after a full on day at preschool, and like his daddy I dare say he currently has tunnel vision as all he can think about is that his stomach in empty and his dinner is STILL. NOT. READY.

The time out was for wilfully spilling an entire cup of water over the dining room table and proceeding to splash in it, covering both the walls, the floor and my second son who was happily sitting in his high chair witnessing the whole debacle. Whatever possessed him to do this I do not know, as an incredibly intelligent and advanced four and a half year old, my son is perfectly aware of what is acceptable behaviour, and this is only further confirmed when he chooses to shut the door to the playroom in order to cause mischief without being seen.

I would love to say that I never lose my temper or say things out of turn, but this is simply not the case, and it is unfair to blame all my son's firey nature on words he has picked up at preschool. However I have never spoken to him, or anyone else for that matter, the way he does to me, so where does he get it from? I love his cheeky character, I love the way he can make me laugh out loud with his silly jokes and funny faces, but at times I despair as to why he seemingly goes out of his way to do things that could make me cry with frustration. Is it something I have done? Am I bad mommy? Does he really mean the things that get shouted over the stair gate from his time out spot on the mat?

The answer of course is no. My son doesn't understand half of the comments he flings out in his defiance to our discipline, much less mean what he says. The price of an advanced little boy who speaks so eloquently and knows far more than he should is often the improper use of words and phrases heard by older children or in TV programmes in a desperate attempt to be more grown up and assert his own thoughts and opinions.

My job as a mother is to love him through this. The comments and tantrums are not personal, they are the overflow of a frustrated child who doesn't understand why the world does not revolve around him, and I need to help him to see that we can't always get our own way and sometimes have to do things that we really would rather not do. The ultimate parent is God in heaven, and I lean on Him heavily in times like this. On days when I could run screaming from the house, or indeed scream back at my tantrumming child the Holy Spirit reminds me that God never screams at me when I throw my toys out of the pram. He never leaves me, or talks down to me. God gently rebukes me when I do wrong, but He always ALWAYS loves me regardless of what I have said or done.

So when my four year old (and I) eventually calm down, we come back together, talk about what happened, say sorry and share a big hug. And this is exactly what God wants from us too, when we fail, lose out temper, lash out at our loved ones, say things that we shouldn't have said, or disobey God, all we need to do is take time out think about what we did and why we did it and talk to our Heavenly Father. By saying the simple yet powerful words 'I am sorry', we are forgiven, for ANYTHING. God wipes the slate clean, He loves us so much that He sent His only son Jesus to take the blame for everything we do wrong, so that we can come to God in confidence knowing that we are forgiven. I couldn't get through a day without Jesus, and I am so thankful for the price He paid for me so that I could have a relationship with God, and I gain so much wisdom and peace from knowing the my Father in heaven is looking out for me and will guide me through parenthood.

Isaiah 40:11 says:

"He tends his flock like a shepherd; He gathers the lambs in his arms and carried them close to his heart; he gently leads mothers with their young."


Thank you Lord for helping me to love, nurture and raise these children to be the men of God you created them to be. If you want to know more about Jesus check out an Alpha course at your local church or visit Renewal Christian Centre for more information.

R x